dykotomy

sing it - regina!

2009-12-31T23:05:00.001-05:00

"Fidelity"

(Shake it up)

I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart

And suppose I never ever met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never ever saw you
Suppose we never ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Break my fall
Break my fall

All my friends say that of course its gonna get better
Gonna get better
Better better better better
Better better better

I never love nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting by heart truly
I got lost
In the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind
All this music
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart

I hear in my mind all of these voices
I hear in my mind all of these words
I hear in my mind all of this music

Breaks my
Heart
Breaks my heart

allergies

2009-05-07T22:29:00.000-04:00

i feel like i ought to post again and clean this dusty place up!

get out and vote, kids!

2006-10-24T15:18:00.000-04:00

Check out the wonderful wikipedia to learn more about the candidates wanting to be Toronto's new mayor, 2006.

rawk on

2006-09-12T16:02:00.000-04:00

Aaaahhhh, music...

The Joel Plaskett Emergency (nowhere with you),
Les Trois Accords,
Emily Haines & the Soft Skeleton, and
Les Breastfeeders are playing See Vous Play: a free concert to celebrate International Music Day on Oct 1st!

International Music Day (IMD) was initiated in 1975 by Lord Yehudi Menuhin to encourage:

the promotion of musical art among all sections of society,
the application of the UNESCO ideals of peace and friendship between peoples, of the evolution of their cultures, of the exchange of experience and of the mutual appreciation of their aesthetic values
the promotion of the activities of IMC, its international member organizations and national committees,as well as its programme policy in general.

the power of words

2006-09-07T17:19:00.000-04:00

I don't want to use the word "drama" to describe situations or people in general anymore. According to Wikipedia "drama is used colloquially to refer to unnecessary emotional turmoil, such as that created through social events or gossip or any situation or series of events having vivid, emotional, conflicting, or striking interest or results.

One only needs to walk down the street to encounter someone talking about not wanting to be involved with this situation or that person because of the "drama." Check online personals and casual conversations with friends and the word invariably comes up to describe what they don't want in a lover or about a conflict with a friend.

It seems that we use this word to describe everything we don't like about relationships. Have we lost our ability to use words effectively? Have we gotten lazy? We use the word "fuck-ed" to describe just about everything. We use the word "love" so often that it may have lost its meaning (eg. I LOVED that movie!) If words/language are a reflection of society - has our existence lost meaning?

Or, have we (the western world) become distracted by extraneous things - things that aren't really important. It's not the basic needs stuff that we apply the word "drama" to it's the "unnecessary emotional turmoil" that we are referring to.

Or, are we trapped in a society that is addicted to unnecessary drama? According to sixwise "Manufactured" or "self-created" drama includes mind games, temper tantrums, screaming matches, rages, and other negative behaviors that tend to occur with alarming frequency in the vast majority of unhealthy, non-nurturing relationships."

Are we obsessed with it?

The author, Rachel G. Baldino goes on to say "The older we get, the more we come to realize that real life provides us with more than enough genuine dramas and actual crises (in the form of illnesses, the deaths of loved ones, job losses, financial struggles, etc.). Of course, this means that there is absolutely no need for us to add any needless, manufactured melodrama into the mix."

The author suggests the first step toward dropping the drama, is that "if you spend too much time dwelling on your partner's [friends] faults-rather than on his or her strengths-you might just lose sight of why you [cared for them] fell in love in the first place." She says: "Some people who feel bored, emotionally numb, lonely, or unfulfilled in some way tend to pick fights with those they love in an attempt to escape their sense of emotional numbness or emptiness"

Are we (western culture) so "bored, emotionally numb, lonely, or unfulfilled" that we pursue and perpetuate this unecessary tormoil 'cause we have lost touch with what is truly important?

I figure that if I refuse to use the word I can in some way shift my world. Of course, this technique (choosing carefully the words you speak/think/use) can only work if you believe in the power of words.

speakin' of food

2006-08-31T14:08:00.000-04:00

“In this groundbreaking book, one of America’s most fascinating, original, and elegant writers turns his own omnivorous mind to the seemingly straightforward question of what we should have for dinner. To find out, Pollan follows each of the food chains that sustain us—industrial food, organic or alternative food, and food we forage ourselves—from the source to a final meal, and in the process develops a definitive account of the American way of eating.

His absorbing narrative takes us from Iowa cornfields to food-science laboratories, from feedlots and fast-food restaurants to organic farms and hunting grounds, always emphasizing our dynamic coevolutionary relationship with the handful of plant and animal species we depend on. Each time Pollan sits down to a meal, he deploys his unique blend of personal and investigative journalism to trace the origins of everything consumed, revealing what we unwittingly ingest and explaining how our taste for particular foods and flavours reflects our evolutionary inheritance.

The surprising answers Pollan offers to the simple question posed by this book have profound political, economic, psychological, and even moral implications for all of us. Beautifully written and thrillingly argued, The Omnivore’s Dilemma promises to change the way we think about the politics and pleasure of eating. For anyone who reads it, dinner will never again look, or taste, quite the same.”

black coffee

2006-08-30T10:03:00.000-04:00

I really enjoy learning about the history of what we eat and drink and why and how we do it.

Much Depends on Dinner a book by Margaret Visser
“takes us on an amazing excursion through the history and mythology of an ordinary meal. Corn, chicken, lettuce, ice cream, and other familiar foods become far from ordinary in an account that is sometimes hilarious or frightening but always enlightening and entertaining.”

Now – sipping my OMFG so good Grizzly Claw coffee, I type this…

I watched the first part of three of the documentary Black Coffee on TVO The View from Here last night. I recommend it!

Want to know more about the history of that liquid gold? Take a peak at the facts from the doc...

Coffee is the world's most widely taken legal drug.
Only one cent of the price of a $2 cup of coffee goes to the grower.
Coffee helped foster the slave trade.
Coffee is the second most traded legal commodity on earth.
In various times, coffee has been considered both an aphrodisiac and a sex inhibitor.
500 billion cups of coffee a years are consumer around the world, half of them at breakfast.
Coffee provides a livelihood for 25 million people; 100 million more depend on it for survival.
Coffee is a green bean hidden in the red cherry of the coffee tree.
It is said the bean was discovered by the frisky goats of an Ethiopian goatherd called Kaldi.
Coffee was roasted for the first time in the 1400s.
Only the women of the house can roast the coffee beans in Ethiopia.
Coffee traveled from Ethiopia to Arabia to Turkey and thence to Europe.
The fertile seeds were smuggled to India, then Holland, then their colony Java.
When Arabs tried to seize Vienna, a Pole warned the French who repulsed the Arabs, found the bags of coffee left behind, and the first European coffeehouse was opened.
Coffee was perfected in Italy; even the Pope liked it.
"The heart wants friend and coffee is only the excuse." –Turkish saying
Cappuccinos name came from its resemblance to the colour and peak of the Capucin monk's cloak
Espresso came from Neapolitan impatience; they couldn't wait for coffee to be brewed.
Balzac is reputed to have drunk 40 cups of coffee a day.
The first French café—Le Procope was opened in 1686 by Italians.
Cafés stimulated not only nervous systems but political and social ferment.
By 1700, the English were big coffee drinkers.
The Tatler started as a coffeehouse broadsheet, along with the institution of TIPS for service.
The French Revolution was planned in coffeehouses.
By 1790, half of all the coffee in the world was grown in Haiti by African slaves.
One of the French king's mistresses gave a coffee plant to a French lieutenant she'd slept with; on the ocean voyage to Martinique he protected the plant from storms and pirates. From the single Martinique plant almost all the coffee in Latin America descends.
The French established the slave-run plantations in the colonized islands
In 1791 the slaves of Haiti rose up and destroyed the coffee and sugar plantations; the revolt lasted 12 years and defeated Napoleon's troops.
Only 10% of the rainforest in Sao Paolo remains, with coffee growing the dominant reason
By 1816 there were 1 million slaves in Brazil, comprising 1/3 of the population, more than half of them working on coffee plantations from dawn to sunset, eating only once a day.
The coffee crash in Brazil occurred only a few weeks before the 1929 economic crash.
The scion of the Folger's coffee empire doesn't drink Folger's. He roasts and brews his own.
The term "cup o' joe" originated in World War II.
The coffee break was an advertising ploy to sell more coffee.
Brazilian president Vargas committed suicide over coffee politics.
It costs a full day's wages for most coffee farmers to buy a cappuccino.
Many coffee workers are only marginally better off than their enslaved ancestors.
Most coffee farmers have never tasted their own coffee.
Barristas are the bartenders of the speciality coffee industry

to do lists

2006-08-26T13:32:00.000-04:00

I have so many things in my head that I want to do. I've decided to post the ideas and they'll serve as a reminder of the things I did or didn't accomplish. I hope the latter doesn't happen more often than the former.

TO DO:

1. Put together a cookbook of my favourite recipes. I tend to throw stuff together using a recipe as a guideline only which makes me a not-so-great baker since baking requires a more structured way of doing things. Of course, every cookbook needs some pix!

Japanese cold noodles - fab in the summer

Never-ending egg breakfast inventions based on what's in the fridge.

And, of course presentation is just as important as the ingredients IMHO... yummmmah!

Speaking of cooking - I'm curious about the restaurant that queer (?) grrrrl Heather won on Hell's Kitchen and what became of the connection between her and Rachel... gotta love it when queer women are featured as "real peeps" which according to After Ellen Hell's Kitchen accomplished in the first season by showing a first ever open-mouthed lesbian kiss on a primetime network reality show and not following it up with exploitation to increase viewers. I only discovered Hell Kitchen when I came upon the oh-so recognizable heat between Heather and Rachel and watched the rest of the episodes just for that.

So, two seasons and two queer women. I know that reality shows aren't reflective of the general population - but - I wonder if there are a disproportionate numbers of queer women vying for the competitive and lucrative positions like head chef 'cause we're tougher and more ambitious? You must have heard that we queer women make more money than str8 women do. Is this because we have more options than our str8 sisters do? Because we have reprogrammed ourselves to expect more from the world? Are we braver? Marching right into our bosses' offices with nicely polished, black, sturdy-heeled, leather shoes and demand more 'cause we have struggled as a result learned how to be fierce?

Hmmmm... is this a privileged perspective?

Revolutionary?

Faulty?

something blue

2006-08-23T12:57:00.001-04:00

I get lulled into feeling that most people are reasonable, that extremism is exactly that - extreme - AKA rare. And, I suppose I ought to check my blind consumption of television sensationalism but the program I couldn’t turn off last night was about hate and generational training.

The propaganda machine would like us to think extremists are only found overseas in those religious, fundamentalist parts of the world. But, there it is – right across the border.

Two girls (who will require some hardcore deprogramming if they get far enough away from their evil mother and grandfather to realise WTF they are doing) perform sweet little “love songs” about Nazi Rudolf Hess, Hitler's deputy Fuhrer. There were clips of the girls doing a little jig around a swastika drawn on their kitchen floor and statements like “I don’t even think that there were that many Jews alive back then” spilled out of their 13-year-old mouths when referring to the Holocaust.

David Duke (you make me puke) a white supremacist and a former US presidential candidate hires these girls to perform at White Nationalist gatherings. Their mother home schooled them and obviously fully supports their career pursuits . Oh, and she got full custody of them after a legal battle with their father, a former drug addict, leaving it free for her to move the family to a “more white area.” Hmmm, gotta wonder which would be a better place for these girls.

I worry about them as kids, but if they continue down the same path I expect I’ll loath them as adults. The piece apparently offended the national vanguard. Awww… They describe the story as “viciously negative coverage of Prussian Blue” and suggest that it was “slavish purveyor of political correctness” Cynthia McFadden’s evil plan to “warp” (umm, okaaay) what these girls are taught to do…

Gawd, just looking at some of these sites made me physically retch.

Cross your fingers and hope these girls REBEL HARD.

power spot

2006-08-17T15:01:00.000-04:00

Does everyone have a power spot somewhere on the earth that somehow heals them, washes away the smallness of everyday problems and conflicts and re-balances them?

I'm lucky 'cause I do. And, here are a few pics from my trip up north - to my power spot somewhere off Highway 17, north of Sault Ste Marie.

Only the locals know about it.

Its unofficial name is Pebble Beach.

It's here I want my ashes released after all the good working bits of my body are used by someone who needs 'em.

And, yes, that's right - there were just my and my lover's footprints that day.

It was beautiful to share it with her...

I'm so glad you came with me, my kokoro.

d bi young: wow.

2006-08-11T09:52:00.000-04:00

This power house artist, d bi young, is on stage at Ryerson from Aug 29-Sept 10/06. I saw her at the Harbourfront performing a dub poetry piece that got me to the edge of my seat (and kept me there) and swirled these emotions up and down my body – pain, fear, guilt, awe, -humility- and a strong desire to do something – to better my life.

She simply rawks.

And, if you don't believe me, listen to this

From d bi young's website, her Oomaanifesto
“dub poetry: dub is word. dub is sound. dub is powah. dub poetry is nation language / performance / poetry / politrix / roots / reggae. dub emerged from the psyche/life experience of conscious ghetto youth in jamaica and england in the late 70s - early 80s (such as oku onoura. mikey smith. anita stewart. mutabaruka. jean binta breeze. poets in unity. linton kwesi johnson. and many others). they demanded an art form that would represent and reflect the working class linguistically, socially, and politically. coming from the roots of reggae, dub fiercely challenges capitalism. imperialism. patriarchy. and other forms of oppression. while riding a wicked reggae beat. through this old/new form of poetry/music, an outgrowth of the afrikan griot tradition, jamaicans and people worldwide continue to identify with revolushunary art and struggle.”

how revolutionary am i?

2006-08-10T13:46:00.000-04:00

rebel sell authors

The more I learn the more I discover I need to learn...

gummed up

2006-08-09T13:58:00.000-04:00

“Extreme Fuse” gum got its name from consumers according to hotspex and evokes the idea of a short fuse as you can see by the ad below…

But, using an ad campaign poking fun at a short fuse and punching your girlfriend in order to sell gum is ok? Not according to some peeps. My colleague is a hardcore, anti-violence advocate and she sent a scathing letter to the execs at Wrigley to complain.

Guess what their response was? Wrigley says they would like to think that they use tongue-in-cheek humour, in an amusing, light and fun manner. They didn’t mean for the ad to imply a jealous boyfriend knocking out a girlfriend but rather knocking out another potential suitor. They’ve instructed their ad agencies to avoid this in the future and will immediately remove this advertising from the market. Good on yah! And, taking full responsibility! (yah, I know after the fact...)

Well, where were their ad agencies or the execs when it came out? Nobody thought it might not imply a suitor is getting punched? Hmmmm, that’s because they were marketing to males – young males as it is pretty clear who their target demographic is by their website.

picture from here And speaking of target demographic… the other night I answered my phone to a female voice introducing herself as a survey company doing a survey on beer. Well, I thought, I could give my two cents about beer and my enjoyment of it – but the next thing that comes out of her friendly cheerful mouth is “May I speak with a male between the ages of 19 – 35?” and I gave her a very forceful and final “no” with no extra explanation which caught her off guard (surprisingly, ‘cause don’t they get ruder responses being call center staff?) and she paused and said, “okay thank-you.” That was the end of it and I was left with a distinct annoyance.

Why? First – they call me at home. Second – they ask to speak with a man (yeah, right!) to get THEIR opinion on beer. Women don't drink beer? And, what planet did this article come from? What is WRONG with these ad peeps? Do they not look around at how many WOMEN drink beer? What? Is gearing advertisements toward women and beer sacrilege? Like, oh, meh, gawd! Women think they’ll get fat (just what we have wanted them to think) if they drink beer so we’ll sell them functional beer compared to dysfunctional?? beer. LMAO

Or, can’t they figure out how to interest us in any other way but to brain wash us into thinking we’re too fat, stoooopid, smelly, ugly, … etc. unless we buy the latest beauty/torture device or cleaning product?

FYI, Unilever is the owner of degree deodourant and in one hand has the DOVE real beauty campaign and in the other the stoooopid commercial I’ve linked above showing a model-thin Stepford wife diving head first out of a second story window and spreading her arms just before hitting the ground (you can see this quite clearly on the tv ad – it zooms out for some reason in the internet ad) so that her head and neck take the full impact of the dive – oh, and she doesn’t die but she has no streaks on her black dress! Whew! Thank goodness!

Gawd, I feel a HOTHEAD moment coming on… where is she when you need her and her bombs?

terror in Canada - errr at City News

2006-08-04T13:20:00.000-04:00

Okay. News organizations really have to watch what they do.

This pic was posted accompanying the article about 19 year old male Ibrahim Alkhalel Mohammed Aboud's arrest.

I was so offended that City News would just a slap random picture of women in their black Abayah/Hijab/Niqab and make no mention of, or link to, why they paired the picture with the story that I thought I must post this.

When I copied it in order to upload it on Flickr, I noticed that City News had labelled said picture as "jun0306-terrorfamily." Ummm, as fmcfun said: “they need to be more careful - what happened to innocent until proven guilty?”

I can only guess that the picture is actually of the Khadr Terror Family ‘cause why else would it be called “jun0306-terrorfamily?”

So, City News – was it okay to pair Aboud’s arrest to the Khadr when there is no mention of them or their connection to Aboud in the article? In fact, if Aboud is really guilty you’ve just contributed a fucked fair trial and set him free.

Shame on you, City News.

LESBIAN PARK RANGERS

2006-07-28T14:00:00.000-04:00

LESBIAN PARK RANGERS created and performed by Shawna Dempsey and Lorri Millan

NOW Magazine - The Arts in Toronto, JULY 27 - AUGUST 2, 2006

Trans PULSE project

2006-07-27T08:33:00.000-04:00

The Trans PULSE Project is a community-based research project aimed at assessing and addressing health determinants and service provision and access issues for trans people across the province.

The Project is currently being carried forth with trans community members in partnership with The Ontario HIV Treatment Network, TGStation, The 519 Community Centre, The University of Western Ontario, and the Sherbourne Health Centre.

More information about the project can be found at Trans Health Research Project

A significant early step that the PULSE Project is taking are a series of community soundings, a sort of focus group, in various centres across the Province:

Mon. Jul. 24th 6:00pm - The 519 Church Street Community Centre, Toronto

Wed. Jul. 26th 6:00pm - Sherbourne Health Centre, Toronto

Tue. Aug. 1st 7:00pm - Pink Triangle Services, Ottawa

Thu. Aug. 3rd 7:00pm - Out on the Shelf, Guelph

Wed. Aug. 9th 5:30pm - Queen West Community Health Centre, Toronto

There will also be a sounding at St.Andrew's Church in North Bay. The final date and time is TBD.

At the Sherbourne sounding on the 26th, there will be separate groups for persons of FTM and MTF experience, respectively. There will also be a separate SOFFA(Significant Others, Friends, Family, and Allies) sounding at the Sherbourne as well.

All facilitators (except at the SOFFA sounding) are trans-identified. Additionally, each sounding attendee will receive $20 for their time and a full meal will be provided. The sounding (with the exception of the SOFFA sounding) is open exclusively to trans people and people of trans experience.

The purpose of these Soundings is to get a diverse cross-section of trans lives and experience, particularly as it relates to health and the current state of services available in, and to, different communities. This information will be used to shape the subsequent stages of the research project.

We encourage all trans people and people of trans experience to attend a sounding and to help shape this community-based effort and the subsequent research and action the Trans PULSE Project takes. We also want SOFFAs out on the 26th!

Please print out and forward this poster liberally. The more voices we hear from the better!

If you have any questions about the soundings or about the Project - or are concerned about accessibility
and/or language (e.g. ASL) barriers - please contact the Project co-coordinators:

Rebecca Hammond or Matt Kaay 1-877-743-6486 x209 or via e-mail at: rebecca.hammond@dal.ca

ashlee simpson boxing...

2006-07-24T15:18:00.000-04:00

Back from vacation up north: new post coming soon... until then:

her video: invisible

bureaucracy at its best

2006-07-12T09:32:00.000-04:00

Government decision making shows its ugly inhumane face yet again. When I worked within the system, I tried to find creative ways to work around some of the more draconian policies and procedures to help real people in real situations.

Just two weeks before the OutGames are to begin a good portion of the participants are not getting their visas… From CBC

“Noel St. Pierre, an immigration lawyer in Montreal, told CBC that several of those rejected entry into Canada were told it was because they have criminal records. St. Pierre said he was investigating the nature of the criminal records, since many of the invited athletes face prosecution in their home countries for being homosexual.”

Sort it out for gawd’s sake!

Well, while Canada’s immigration is giving our peeps a hard time lookie lookie at what the States are doing! Okay, the HIV law is more draconian than anything I ever came across in my career but hey they are waiving it for the athletes and maybe that can serve as a spotlight for them to take another look at its legitimacy.

I wonder who is going to win the competition for highest turnout for the 2006 Queer Olympics? Canada or the US? Any bets?

Jerusalem film fest

2006-07-05T12:09:00.000-04:00

“On Wednesday, July 12th at 16:00 pm in Jerusalem, please join the entire Just Vision staff for a screening of Encounter Point at the Jerusalem Film Festival at Beit Shmuel, 6 Shamma Street. There will be Arabic, Hebrew and English subtitles

During this incredibly difficult period, we hope the film and subsequent follow up discussions with leading Palestinian and Israeli peace builders and human rights advocates will deepen our understanding of how civil society can participate in deescalating and ultimately resolving this conflict. Please feel free to pass this invitation along to anyone you feel would like to attend and join us and numerous other organizations (many of whom are featured in the expanding Portraits section of www.justvision.org) in this endeavour. Please note: we will be holding a screening of the film in East Jerusalem or the West Bank in the coming weeks.

Also, for those of you who missed it in NYC, please stay tuned for a week-long run at the Quad Cinema in NY during the last week of August.”

queer community building

2006-07-04T10:50:00.000-04:00

A preamble:

Edited from Civil Dialogue: Communication from Person to Person

“No matter what language one acquires, it is clear that the development of language skills will help to provide the conditions which enhance one's ability to act with both reason and compassion, and to make sound decisions.

Whether or not one chooses to apply them all in daily speech, the underlying rules of order in language are useful, not only in describing relationships between persons and objects they often will help to create the relationships between and among people.

The best hope for sustaining individuals and nations in our "global society," is to reduce the need to resort to military force to clarify misunderstandings and settle disputes rather than through various forms of wasted energy in violent aggression. Language is a vital tool for preserving order and a civil society no matter who or where you are.

The rational aspect of language skill, a "literal-mindedness", involves an awareness of the process as well as the product of transmitting ideas, concepts and impressions... Language provides a substantial framework for "ordering" one's experience and for communicating it in a clear way from one person to another. It is of greatest value in avoiding the costliness of misunderstanding.

The creative use of language to facilitate the practice of transparent interactions between and among people in all walks of life will help to assure that sensible, fair decisions can be made based on the same shared information. Essentially, this is the foundation of liberty: individual responsibility and the free exchange of ideas and information for all. The best hope for resolving conflicting interests so that an outcome yields the greatest benefit to both interests is through dialogue.

Were the leaders of warring nations able to communicate effectively with each other and with their people? And, also with the people whose lands or goods may be in dispute? And, were these adversaries able to listen? Perhaps (through the voices of their people..) Were they willing to come to a decision to engage in respectful dialogue leading to equitable agreements that replace the persuasive characteristics of muskets to avenge insult…?

We are all improved by sharing information and in attempting to share our experience. We're especially enriched by our having a sense of ourselves, in place and time, and a sense of history which includes some understanding and appreciation for the underlying motivations for human behavior in the acts of individuals and of nations.

We are also challenged to have the clarity and compassion to make history both as individuals and as members of communities and nations through the uniquely suited tool of language to engage in competition and in conflict through dialogue rather than any other more wasteful alternatives.”

And, now my post:

It is not my intention to preach or to appear as if I’m good at doing what I am about suggest…

Conflict is unavoidable in life - Conflict among friends has got to be the most difficult land mine to travel through but IMHO it must be done. It must be done because if we can’t figure out how to be present, strong and willing to grow stretch and be in places that are uncomfortable then nobody can.

This is not to say that tolerating abuse is acceptable.

Like in the boxing ring, both people are responsible to set the tone of the spar. The one being pummelled has the responsibility to stop the aggressor, to refuse to drop into the training of centuries that her body isn’t her own. As my kokoro says: to refuse to provide herself as a vessel for the use/abuse of others.

This is revolutionary: that a spar is an agreement to participate in controlled conflict and that the same principles can be applied to real life conflict. Like one of my Toronto Newsgirls t-shirts say, “think outside of the ring.” So, to refuse to drop into a victim role is as equally important as taking responsibility for wrong doing or abusive behaviour and adjusting / monitoring / changing - and, if necessary, getting help: a coach in your corner.

In all conflict there are two sides, two stories, two versions of the “truth.” No one person holds the absolute truth because there is no such thing. But, we can be truthful and honest about how we both contribute to the conflict. Vilifying the person I am angry with is a habit I am trying to break because most of the time the reason I do this is because I am really trying to avoid thinking about what I agreed to participate in – and therefore, how I contributed to the situation. It is hard to think that what this implies that I was, in fact, responsible in some way.

Now, I’m not talking about physical/emotional violence in a committed relationship. This has its own dynamics and is an entirely other story. What I am referring to here is – friendships.

I also agree that sometimes it is good to walk away; to decide to end a friendship or at least change the boundaries of the friendship. It is tough to do this and especially to do it with compassion, strength and respect. Because one person is “fighting dirty” doesn’t mean we have the obligation to “fight dirty,” too.

We can simply step out of the ring – throw down our towel – say we do not want to engage in the present nature of conflict. We don’t have to buy into the ego’s “shame” that tells us we have to fight when presented with a fight no matter what the terms are.

Family – chosen family – is so important in the queer community because if we can’t take care of our chosen family we will truly forever be alone. If we can’t figure out how to peacefully resolve conflict we will never be free of war. If we can’t do this among our own we will never change the world “out there.”

The next time conflict rears its difficult, trouble-making head (and, it will, I guarantee it) think about how you want this lesson to go.

My question is: How revolutionary do you want to be?

"A great revolution in just one single individual will help achieve a change in the destiny of a society and, further, will enable a change in the destiny of humankind."
~Daisaku Ikeda

rally against racism

2006-07-04T09:08:00.000-04:00

In my e-mail inbox and from there to you...

Call to Action Against Neo-Nazi Leaders in Southern Ontario!
The Spirit of the Christie Pits Riots Lives On!

History:
Back on August 16th, 1933, the west-end of Toronto burst into a frenzy of resistance. The largest opposition seen to fascism in our city's history took place, with Jewish and Italian baseball players and then the whole community coming together to fight back local hate mongers.

Adolf Hitler had assumed power just half a year earlier, and already nazi supporters were building a base here to attack those they deemed undesirable. But the residents of Toronto would have nothing of it and in Christie Pits a full-scale riot erupted against the racism and hate embodied by fascism. Anti-fascism was alive and kicking. And 73 years later, it's still going strong!

Present:
To commemorate the Christie Pits Riots, on August 19th, 2006, anti-racist and anti-fascist activists from across Ontario will be rallying in Toronto to show direct and uncompromising opposition to the activities of notorious neo-nazi leaders operating in southern Ontario. This will be a militant stand in solidarity with immigrant and refugee workers against organized racism, and against the far-right agenda of violence against people of colour and the queer community.

The Northern Alliance, pro-Zundel lobby, Aryan Nations, and Southern Ontario Skinheads are just four groups which ARA Toronto has fought against and defeated in the past two years. The membership of these white power gangs has crawled back under the rocks from which they emerged. Through youth coming together and militantly fighting back against hate mongers, these white supremacists could no longer organize publicly without the fear of being confronted. As a result, their operations ceased to exist, and the areas they once tormented became safer for the people living there.

But the central hub still exists for the far-right. Various groups in southern Ontario, including the deceptively named Canadian Heritage Alliance, Canadian Association for Free Expression, and a rekindling of the Heritage Front and Nationalist Party are all vying for power under the increasingly divisive conditions created by the Conservative federal government. All are attempting to organize disenfranchised white youth into violent storm troopers to carry out intimidation and violence against the diversity and unity of communities in the GTA.

Join us to send a strong message to local neo-nazi scum that their activities will not be tolerated in Toronto, as we take a direct stand against a local neo-fascist leader!

DATE: Saturday, August 19th, 2006
TIME: Rally starts at 12:00 noon; departure for the action at 1:00PM sharp!
PLACE: Southeast corner of Christie Pits, Toronto, ON.

ARA Toronto: Righteously defending the streets from racist scum since 1992.
email: info@aratoronto.org phone: (416) 929-2296 Anti-Racist Action network Toronto

corporate (gay) pride

2006-06-29T08:32:00.000-04:00

Pride has come and gone but not without leaving a residual bitter taste in my mouth. Thankfully, that is not from overtaxing my body with alcohol and little sleep. The bitter taste comes from the whole marketing of Toronto Pride, from being groped by the corporate hands in my pockets, by the dissonance the theme “Fearless” creates in the face of the entirely NOT fearless display I witnessed. Besides they are marketing it as an “arts and entertainment festival” over which I scratch my head asking where the fearless part comes in?

Photo from a MUST visit site: queer kit

Take for example the idea of “community” and the concept of accessibility. The members of our community who don’t have money to spend could not participate in say The Pride Toronto 2006 Gala & Awards who Natasha Garda, Pride Toronto co-chair is quoted as promoting it as...

“the most fearless event of the year: In a burlesque speakeasy atmosphere, it will be an evening of activists, politicians and the community coming together for a more fabulous global queer village. It’s a celebration of love and our endurance as a community.”

Activists, eh? Community, eh? Umm, at $250 each or $2,500 for a table of 10, I’m guessing it left a lot of the activists and community out.

Let’s look at the line-up of these honoured members:

Irshad Manji, journalist, author, speaker and scholar at Yale University.
Honoured for spirituality, Khaki, 42, works to instill tolerance and inclusiveness for gay and lesbian Muslims in the Islamic community.

Recognized for the 2006 Pride Week theme, Fearless, are James Loney and his partner Dan Hunt.

Mark Tewksbury, 38, former Olympic swimming champion, public speaker, author and first co-president of the first World Outgames.

Other honorees include Dan Tucker, director of TransAmerica, for arts and culture, for Science and Medicine, Sharon Walmsley, senior scientist at the Division of Clinical Investigation & Human Physiology at the Toronto General Research Institute, for lifetime achievement Frank Toskan, co-founder of MAC Cosmetics and the Toskan Foundation, and for Youth Leadership Star! reporter Sean Gehon.

Sweet – I’m impressed – wish I had an extra $250 to attend (though I have to admit that if I did in fact have an EXTRA $250 I wouldn’t spend it on one night – it would more likely than not go to bills).

Catering to the powers-that-be by charging a fee that few of us in the community can actually afford – I define that as Fearless! Oh, wait – my guess is that it was packed with white guys who could afford to pay to rub shoulders with the other white guys (politicians) on the guest list. Oh, and entertained by umm.. you guessed it – more whities! Wow! How Fearless is that?! I’m so damn impressed!

And, let’s talk about the festival part of it. The south stage after the dyke march was accessible (aka FREE) if you wanted to throw out your water bottle under direction of the security, stand on the open concrete of a parking lot in the searing sun because there weren’t enough umbrellas or tables and chairs for people, pee out the last of your moisture and wash your hands in soap but no water from the washing stations and watch performances before you have to leave ‘cause you’ve got a headache and are about to pass out from dehydration and heat exhaustion but the robo security cops have to check your bags one more time before leaving because you might be smuggling out something? WTF?

Okay, and if you have some money you can pay the pretty bikini clad skinny women with silver fuck-me boots 7 dollars for the sponsored 330 ml beer. How generous of the sponsors.

And speaking of sponsors, this year’s parade got a lot of flack from a youth contingent, who were pissed that one the sponsors wanted signs on their float and they took issue. They refused to be used as a marketing tool.

And there are a lot more rumblings in OUR community about this issue…

From an e-list I belong to:

check out mccullagh’s pics

Toronto Guy says:

"I would suggest getting your facts straight before hitting the email lists with verbal diarrhea.

Pride Toronto didn't select SOY as an Honoured Group - the COMMUNITY selected SOY. It's voted on in the Spring, and nominations are brought forth by the COMMUNITY. So, it appears that all your ramblings about being a "political marketing device" are incorrect. Give your head a shake, buddy. Yeah, would be nice if we could have a lovely "organic" Pride festival, but without the support of dozens of corporations with huge dollars, the Pride festivities would never have amounted to much more the picnic on Hanlan's point that started out years ago.

And why protest just Toronto's Pride? Hopefully you're doing the global tour and hitting each and every city all around the world who hosts a Pride festival, ALL of whom have huge corporate sponsors and dollars going toward the festivities.

Yeah, well - good luck with your little mission. And shame on you for planning on ruining everyone's celebration with your misguided vision."

Hmmm, interesting. I actually went with my kokoro to Hanlan’s Point to escape the throngs of suburbanites who come to gawk at the spectacle of naked dancing men, loud music, a party-party-party! that ends with meth-infested, sweaty, alcohol-induced aggressive bodies pushing through crowds stepping on toes, having sex, sleeping and crying on the street sidewalks oh, yeah my idea of fun and yes, oh, yes! a celebration of our community!

Well, here’s the response from Abuzar to “Toronto guy”

“Calm down Toronto Guy, I do have my facts as straight as a subjective person involved in the process can be. That is to say that I am not (nor can anyone ever be) completely objective, especially when they are part of the picture.

The elections are rigged. There is no community involvement. The "community" is a select elite. It has been like that for years. What is typically considered as community, has no idea that a process even exists, nor does it know to care. This is verifiable with a simple poll.

Also, even amongst the select few that do attend those elections, there is/has been discontent with the process. The competition aspect of it, and the aspect of it being passively controlled.

Pride would get along without corporate funding. It has happened before. The first Prides were protests, and they were not funded by corporations. Even if you consider floats and such devices, massive events, some rivaling and some well exceeding Pride happen around the world.

Pride can also happen with drastically reduced funding. I've seen it. In fact I was part of the organization when it had much less, and I know that we could have gotten along with even less back then, had it not been for blunders on our part and internal fraud by a person. The fiscal nosedive was a result of that, and not lack of funding. Even with the overbloated bureaucracy that now exists in Pride, Pride is running a substantial surplus. So you see, there is no need to force a Youth Committee into accepting a sponsorship that it doesn't want.

The reason why the bureaucracy is now needed and wasn't needed earlier is that a lot of grassroots activists and conscious volunteers were made uncomfortable and were forced out. So now, they are paying to replace that free labour with one that doesn't ask uncomfortable questions.

Yes, shame on me for ruining a celebration, and forty lashes to boot. But do not make the mistake of thinking that it is everyone's celebration. I have spent years and years asking how people feel about it, and it really isn't a secret. Just google it, just read a few queer publications, it is obvious that this is a bad experience for many people out there. The reason why you wrote me back an angry email dissing me for organizing a protest is because you do not want to admit (even to yourself) that this event is now hurting people. The information is as clear as daylight, but it can be clouded by one's ego.

Finally, I will not protest against the Prides of other cities. Those protests have to come from the communities that reside there, and there are certainly some shining examples. I can only offer solidarity and support from a distance.

I will protest the Pride that is here and now and that effects people in my community. I will self-reflect on how I cooperate with and perpetuate oppression, and through that lens view how the people around me do the same. It is this that leads to the protests that I organize.

Anything else would be highly irresponsible of me.”

~Abuzar

According to Pride Toronto’s website “Sponsorship has been part of Pride Toronto for almost 2 decades, helping meet increasing costs for the event since the mid-80's. Sponsors of Pride Toronto contribute in many ways... ranging from the provision of services such as advertising exposure (for who? Them or Pride? If so, then how is Pride receiving a contribution from sponsors?)... “to donating equipment, technology, meeting space, funds or floats for community groups ( (not without an exchange of their product’s exposure to the millions of viewers so boy are they EVER doing us a favour) “Alongside volunteering on the Pride Toronto Sub-Committees, sponsorship is another behind-the-scenes way in which people, organisations and companies participate in the success of the huge annual Toronto Pride Week events... the largest Pride celebration in Canada.” (my comments in BOLD)

Yeah, well what are they doing for the community the rest of the year? Let’s hold the sponsors to a certain standard, a Code of Conduct as defined by the Canadian Auto Workers Union , and if they fail to meet these expectations then they are not used as a sponsor.

1. GLBT Rights at Work

Does the company have an anti-discrimination policy, including sexual orientation and gender identity?
Does the company have an anti-harassment policy, including sexual orientation and gender identity?
Does the company provide training on these policies?

2. Rights of Workers

Are workers in the company unionized?
Do workers receive a fair and living wage?
Does the company follow basic workplace law, i.e. employment or labour standards, human rights, health & safety?
Does the company sponsor, use or endorse the use of workfare recipients?

3. Access and Equity

Does the company have an employment equity plan and hiring policy?
Does the company advertise job opportunities in the glbt communities and press?

4. Same-Sex Benefits

Does the company have a same-sex benefits plan including medical, dental, adoption assistance, child care benefits, relocation benefits, family/personal sick leave for partner care, bereavement leave, pension plan - in short, equality of benefits?

5. Social Equity

Does the company contribute a substantial part of its revenue to non-profit and/or advocacy organizations supporting the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered communities such as AIDS organizations, social housing and community health clinics?

6. Pride Day Booth Sponsorship (Co-sponsorship with Community Groups)

Is the company willing to donate a portion of money raised on Pride Day to the group that they co-sponsor?
Is the company willing to have its sponsorship advertisement smaller than the advertisement for the community group it co-sponsors?

I think that if the Pride staff and board wanted to be truly fearless they’d start by valuing the queer dollar and not just prostituting it out to the highest bidder.

And, truthfully, I know a lot of folks just like me who wouldn’t complain at all if we went back to that picnic on Hanlan’s Point – at least it would be more meaningful to us instead of profitable for them.

And, to make it more meaningful what about learning about our history? Learning what it was like before... Do you know the answers to these questions? I have a vague recollection of stories that may or may not real about our history in Canada / Toronto / the Dyke March ... I want to know more and why is it that PRIDE doesn't keep the stories alive by weaving them into OUR celebration?

Mind you - having ranted I also recognize that marching publicly to declare your queerness to the world can be an incredibly powerful thing but do we need to have a logo emblazoned on that sacred experience?

toronto butch-a-fied me

2006-06-05T16:08:00.000-04:00

Toronto changed me. Err, maybe it was Tokyo.

Really, can a city shift the way you present yourself to world? When I first moved to Toronto I noticed that everyone ID’d me as a femme. “Whatever” I thought at the time – maybe I am a femme.

But, I prided myself in being a tough Soo-ite (umm, only other “Soo-ites” would understand what that means) – perhaps, I need to qualify...

A tough, small town girl who played billiards at 19 against bikers – and won - $50 plus a trophy – a tough, small town girl who arm-wrestled for a time, who wore ripped jeans in high school and hung out with the “druggies” and who felt hopeless at the time. A tough, small town girl who thought that being a lesbian would mean being alone forever.

A tough, small town girl who knew about the illnesses that plagued the Sault: rape, incest, murders, divorce, domestic violence, prostitution, and drug addictions. A tough, small-town girl who escaped the town to sit by the GREAT-est of the lakes, Lake Superior and sought strength there.

A tough, small town girl who plotted an escape and ended up in Toronto ‘cause there was a hella lot more possibilities for this tough, small town girl to find love. Toronto was BIG and tough – perfect for the tough, small town girl. And, full of butch women. Perfect beyond belief.

So, there I was frequenting places like Pope Joan and Tango (when it was women’s space in boystown) swooning over the butch women and learning that in order to hook up with one presenting as femme was required. This was pretty easy for me – freshly out and all. Suggesting - yes – dressing for an evening on the town in the Sault meant sexy skirts, heals, revealing cleavage, makeup and long, straight, glorious, blonde hair.

However, I was not a “straight girl” anymore. *insert some fabulously liberating music of your choice*

Throughout the process of shedding my male-identified persona my hair length crept up and up, my fingernails got shorter and shorter, my nail polish dried up and my skin got paler and paler. I experimented with shaving and not shaving and wearing clothes that sent a message to my fellow sisters. Essentially, I was learning how to be noticed as a dyke which seemed to coincide with “masculine-izing” my appearance. I studied other dykes, watched how they walked and stood and flirted…

But, there was an interlude: 3 years in Tokyo.

Tokyo seduced me. Intending to stay for one year the lifestyle and stimulation trapped me. As a foreigner I was afforded a most freeing allowance to be “weird.” Perfect. I intended to experiment in this forgiving place! I lost weight (pontificating about “why so much?” in my journals) shopped, adopted the fashion, travelled and came home occasionally for visits. I had assimilated (as much as I could as a non-Japanese).

My visits home were punctuated by comments about my colourful clothes, (don’t be wearing anything but black, grey, or other such sober “classic” clothes!) hair, black polished fingernails - my weight. “Whatever” I thought – I’m going back "home" next week (Tokyo).

Three years later I faced the decision to either live in Japan permanently or reintegrate back into Canada while I still had half a chance.

Back in Toronto a slow transformation occurred. The colours dropped away (well, not all of them - I withstood the teasings for my orange and greens!), the shoes were seldom worn… I gained weight (thank gawd! the wind tunnels will shave through your soul in the winter) I swaggered a bit in my low on the hips jeans, I bulked up from boxing and I was reinforced for it. I noticed being noticed.

But, I still sure liked “bois.” And, they liked me – and sometimes liked to label me. Which got me thinking – am I really a femme and what exactly is femme?

My relationships tended to reveal interesting dynamics and, I think, highlighted for me statements about the boxes Toronto requires queer women to fit into. I wondered why butch, or bois, or masculine women were so hot and seemed especially prevalent in Toronto (lucky for me). I wondered whether Toronto was a masculine city especially compared to Tokyo – a decidedly feminine city.

I generated endless, no-conclusions conversations with friends asking what were the qualities that make women butch or femme? Why do I find masculine women so hot? Why are femme women so hot to some? Was it just superficial trappings?

A bit of an answer to these questions for me is that attraction is about a woman’s energy. I’m attracted to masculine-seeming women because the qualities I admire (or rather turn me on) are most easily recognized in Western society as masculine in form: attitude, poise, confidence. When I see a feminine women who exudes these qualities, I am attracted (however, she can’t be teetering around on spiky high heals - but driving them into the ground with a haughty swing of her hip... well...).

So, as a self-described androgynous dyke (which took a while after coming out to conclude about myself) I like to play in the in between. Being this in an environment that isn't as freeingly free is sometimes overtly, sometimes covertly difficult. But, ultimately, finding my place as a bit of a chameleon feels incredibly sexy.

FCUK Canada

2006-06-01T18:25:00.000-04:00

In case anyone is interested: I went into FCUK today to tell them their ad campaign SCUKS and the staff told me that a lot of people have been coming in to tell them that (the women commented that mostly women had been in.)

They gave me the email address of the advertising manager:

Daniel (a man - how surprising!)

press@fcukcanada.ca

So, fire away gRrls!

pony and porn

2006-05-24T21:35:00.000-04:00

When we talk about porn what is our definition? And, who is defining it? According to Queendom. The actual term "pornography" was first coined when the ancient city of Pompeii (buried in A.D. 79 by the massive eruption of Mt.Vesuvius) was excavated and many sexually graphic paintings and sculptures were found. And, very quickly after that the material was hidden to protect the public = censorship.

Is the definition of porn = sexually graphic like when it was first coined? Or, are we talking a range of materials / depictions? Are we talking about obscenity? And, again who is defining it? Who makes the decisions about what is obscene and why? And, thus deserving of censorship?

I agree with pony about a particular kind of porn - the hard core, str8, catering-to-men kind. I don't think that the women in these scenes are all happy or like what they are doing on or off screen and neither do I believe that it is always a "choice" (freedom to choose assumes you've got 2 equally good options).

The Girl Next Door and Sex: The Annabel Chong Story - are both about women in the sex industry. Thus, good viewing if you don't actually know someone who has worked as a stripper, prostitute, pornstar...

If you looked at the expressions of the women in str8 videos/pictures, etc. (and, yes, I have) their eyes are blank, gone, absent and that is how I feel that I can see into their experience. Pony recommends viewing this documentary but it's not really about porn specifically - it's about women in advertising (which combined with Killing us Softly is awesome).

I am offended by most male-dominated industries. So, that is where my bias lies. The porn that is made for and by STRAIGHT men or involves hurting women or children offends and horrifies me.

So, that being said I just don't think that anything is black and white, cut and dried. All sexually explicit material can't be painted with the same brush. Because doing so places a society under the oppressive hand of the censor and that offends me as well. To argue that all women participating in the sex industry are harmed or misinformed about their abuse is condescension. Just ask Annie Sprinkle or Susie Bright.

And, in the interest of obscenity laws (concern about porn meets censorship meets the state making decisions about what constitutes obscenity) there is the queer perspective - Little Sisters Bookstore.

From their site "Little Sister's also carries erotica and sex-positive fiction, and for that we will never apologize. Gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgendered people grow up and live day-to-day with a difference from the rest of society. That difference is sex and gender. For a large part of our community, sex-positive imagery and ideas are liberating, edifying, and celebratory. Keeping that in mind, erotica is still a small portion of what is stocked and sold at Little Sister's."

Aside: one of the books in question by the Canadian obscenity review was one of my favourites: Hothead Paisan.

My point is that morality and obscenity are tricky beasts that take us on the slippery slope of state controlled material.

And, making a commitment to refusing to use porn (whatever your definition of it is) as a protest against the abuses that women experience in the porn industry is honourable and thoughtful but unless the majority of users (straight men) find the abuse of women and children intolerable I fear it's a losing battle.

I don't know how to change the world so that the powerful can't abuse/use others (including in the sex industry) but, I also recognize a place for expression of sexuality and don't want the baby thrown out with the bath water. I think that some porn / erotica / sex positive material with the right content and in the right context can be liberating, enjoyable and educational.

In a world that censors sexuality explicit material anti-porn activists-turned-erotica-proponents Nan Kinney and Debbie Sundahl wouldn't be free to produce On Our Backs, a magazine that is porn but is it harmful? Quim - for dykes of all sexual persuasions by Sophie Moorcock and Lulu Belliveau was another such sex positive magazine.

And finally, the reason I like Sallie Tisdale's book so much (and I don't happen to have a copy to quote from so I'm going completely by memory of what struck me as so important) is that it gave permission to relax and sit with my desires. That my sexual desires can't be dramatically changed by political, philosophical, therapeutic shifts, etc.. They are what they are and as long as I am not hurting anyone - they are okay.

The other thing that struck me was Tisdale's comments about how we have sex: that we can't force our sex life to be somehow outside of our world that our sexual expression is reflective of how we are outside of the bedroom with all our negotiations of power, control, respect, communication, play and on and on. I'd rather have something like that then some utopian or vanilla version of sex required by anyone wishing to shame and censor my sexual expression.

Perhaps, this posting will cause dykotomy to be deleted from some blogrolls... but, it is my belief that we are a community of (in the words of Diane DiMassa) feh-muh-nists and a community implies variety.

Isn't that grand?

WTF?

2006-05-23T15:57:00.000-04:00

Thanks witchy-woo for the inspiration to find out what the FCUK has been up to. This “film” is somethin’ else and is that blonde Tina (L-word)??

what would Leslie do?

2006-05-19T12:54:00.000-04:00

thanks dante difranco

DRAG KING DREAMS
by Leslie Feinberg

SUNDAY JUNE 18, 2006, 5PM
Medical Sciences Building Auditorium, 1 King's College Circle, University of
Toronto. Wheelchair Accessible

Tickets: $5 - $15 sliding scale, available at Toronto Women’s Bookstore. Toronto Women’s Bookstore

The evening will include performances by two local artists/performers in addition to a talk delivered by Leslie Feinberg. So, join us to celebrate Leslie Feinberg’s new novel Drag King Dreams and to pay tribute to hir life and activism as well as honouring the lives, labour and activism within our local community.

Feinberg is an award winning writer and activist whose work spans various communities. Hir novel, Stone Butch Blues, has received a wildly popular response in the United States and has been translated into Chinese, German and Dutch. The novel won the prestigious American Library Association Award for Gay and Lesbian Literature and a LAMBDA Literary Award in1994. Hir non-fiction work, Transgender Warriors: Making History from Joan of Arc to RuPaul, is the first analysis of the historical roots of transgender oppression. Transgender Warriors won the 1996 Firecracker Alternative Book Award for Non-Fiction. Feinberg is also the author of Trans Liberation:
Beyond Pink or Blue, published by Beacon in 1998. Feinberg is well-known in the U.S. and many other parts of the world as an activist who works to help forge a strong bond between the lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans communities. As a trade unionist, anti-racist and socialist, Feinberg also organizes to build strong bonds of unity between these struggles.

TWB thanks to our co-sponsors: CAW-Canada, Centre for Women and Trans People at York, Come as You Are, Good For Her, LGBTQ Resources and Programs at U of T, Mayworks Festival, Sexual Diversity Studies at U of T and Trans Feminist Action Caucus at York, Sexuality Studies at York, School of Women's Studies at York, Publishers Group Canada, Raincoast Books, Carroll and Graff, and Xtra!

nuff said.

2006-05-17T20:04:00.000-04:00

I found this on King Kat's myspace ad

How? I was searching for the best dyke magazine ever: Quim - For Dykes of all Persuasions (which I search for yearly in hopes that Sophie Moorcock and Lulu Belliveau will put out a resurrected version) and King Kat's profile came up because zee was a contributor.

And, why was I looking for Quim? Well, I'm putting together my thoughts like I told Pony I would in response to Pony's opinion of pornography elicited by my mention of Sallie Tisdale's book, Talk Dirty to Me. It's coming (the post I mean).

gender play

2006-05-17T08:56:00.000-04:00

How timely - given the longest board discussion, I think, ever on Dr Dyke. A very good thing – I’m glad trans issues got discussed so extensively and that people seemed to, at least from what I observed, get to a place of trying to understand each other.

It’s fabulous that it’s all there for the others to read (and make their own conclusions) and that the people who did participate had the strength to do so.

Buddies and Bad Times.

Euphoria By GENDER PLAY

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, madams et monsieur's and everyone in between
Cirque du Gender Play is proud to present:

EUPHORIA: the queerest show on earth!

Come one, come all and witness this exhilarating gender euphoric spectacle where all is not as it seems and what was is not what will be and where we are is not where we were. Enter into the infinite spectrum of possibility. Be amazed as young people cut themselves in half, are made invisible, swallow insults, taunts, and ridicule, crumble under the weight of labels and yet live to tell the tale.

Shiver in terror at the house of horrors where dreams are abandoned, promises broken and young people are forced to live in confined spaces bound to centuries old binary gender system.

Watch in wonder as these very young people overcome all the odds to survive, live, and thrive in a world that offers them few choices...

After the smash success of last years Binary City, the Gender Play project is back again. Gender Play is an exciting project for queer, trans and questioning youth designed to explore the topic of gender through theatre, song, poetry and dance. The project is hosted by Central Toronto Youth Services, through the Pride and Prejudice Program. 10 youth have worked collaboratively over the past eight months with lead artist and director Tristan R. Whiston choreographer Kathleen Rea, project coordinator LeeAndra Miller and guest artist Anna Camilleri (writer) to create EUPHORIA.

EUPHORIA: the queerest show on earth!
June 2 and June 3, 8:00 p.m., 2006
Buddies in Bad Times Theatre, 12 Alexander Street
PWYC

No reservations necessary!

For more info Contact:
LeeAndra Miller leeandra@ctys.org, 416-924-2100 (ext 256)

Gender Play gratefully acknowledges funding from Central Toronto Youth Services, the Laidlaw Foundation, Ontario Arts Council and Toronto Arts Council.

gnod peeps

2006-05-15T22:09:00.000-04:00

Apparently, I'm all about maps lately...

And, here's a random selection of my music collection all mapped out according to its celestial positioning with other gnod people.

mimi - you have competition

2006-05-14T17:39:00.000-04:00

Why? Oh, why did it take me so long to spend time at I Blame The Patriarchy? I even blogged about something Twisty posted yet didn't explore further. Please - you must visit IBTP - and prepare to LAUGH OUT LOUD and perhaps even clap with gleeeeee (well, that was what I did anyway).

too much grey...

2006-05-11T23:02:00.000-04:00

My Visited Countries

Get your own Visited Countries Map from Travel Blog

documentary education

2006-05-07T11:55:00.000-04:00

Hello Peace: from Israel, the West Bank or Gaza call *6364 from USA call *1-900-AT-PEACE

When I was 16 years old my father's new girlfriend and he went on a trip but she needed someone to cover her live-in position. I was to take her place for a couple of weeks living with this woman in her huge apartment and help her with some small bits of cleaning. It was clear however that it was far more important for me to be there at night.

I thought she was the strangest person. She had OCD, was a terrible cook and the food choices were bland and tasteless to me. I snuck smokes by cranking open the skylights and standing on the sink blowing the cigarette smoke up. I tried not to stay too long because she depressed me.

And, one day I was shocked to hear her venom when she asked me if I had a boyfriend. She hated men. That same evening I noticed she had a tattoo on the inside of her wrist and things made more sense and I felt sad - and scared to ask her about what had happened to her...

I know very little about Jewish history (other than the Holocaust) or the present conflict in Israel.

This brings me to what I discovered is an interesting way to educate myself - documentaries. The Hotdocs fest has been full on - I ran from volunteer shift to film and home again.

This Thurs however was a very emotional one.

I saw 5 Days first and scooted to meet a friend to see the next film Encounter Point.

I sobbed watching 5 Days. It was a tense and emotional account of the 5 days beginning August 15, 2005 that it took to evacuate the Jewish settlement in the Gaza strip. I had no idea why they were there in the first place (now I do) but the documentary states they some had been there for 30 years. It was also clear that some of the settlers planned to resist at all cost. They planned to use prayer, music and invitations for discussions to convert the soldiers to their side. Some also openly shamed the police during the conflict.

This resulted in soldiers leaving, breaking down emotionally and feeling at the minimum conflicted about what they had been ordered to do.

Major General Dan Harel lead the evacuation and the documentary revealed him to be a likable, sensitive and competent leader.

It was a conflict that had no deaths. There were scenes of the police and settlers together praying, having tea, talking, hugging and crying. The overall feeling was that the settlers and police had behaved honourably and peacefully. Hope for future conflicts. And funnily enough the director has been quoted to not particularly like either the settlers or the police/army.

Then I saw Encounter Point (see the trailer) next. The settlers did not get "good press" and it was a surprise to me (knowing so little at the time). The theatre was packed - packed to see a documentary about PEACE. This film follows an Israeli and Palestinian peace movement which confronts the refusal for either side to "normalize" their relationships with each other. When each realizes that they both have experienced loss and pain they understand that they something more important in common - the desire to prevent more pain.

Quote from Robi Damelin one of the people profiled in the film:

"Instead of channeling it into revenge, the people in our group have chosen another direction for their pain. The pain breaks down barriers very quickly between Palestinians and Israelis in the group. There's a sense of trust. It's not hummus and hugs-- it's much deeper than that; it's acknowledgement and empathy, which happen much faster than in a normal meeting between a Palestinian and an Israeli because we recognize each other immediately through the pain."

Inspiring. And - the organization Just Vision continues to spread the word.

stop the war

2006-05-06T11:35:00.000-04:00

Did you know about this Mz Deconstructah when you posted this?

With all this talk of the end of the world and war i was inspired to re-focus and support May as National Masturbation Month.

Join in and STOP the WAR on MASTURBATION.

the sky is falling?

2006-05-04T10:38:00.000-04:00

I've been seeing very thematic films and it wasn't (at least, consciously) purposeful.

1. The visually dramatic - and strange classical music infused documentary by Werner Herzog called Lessons of Darkness The director's website describes it as: An apocalyptic vision featuring the oilwell fires in Kuwait after the Gulf-War, as a whole world burst into flames. This film is stylized as science fiction, as there is not a single shot in which you can recognize our planet.

Sasha and I were both flabbergasted and confused about what the hell we had just witnessed.

2. Then I saw How to Plan a Revolution which now I feel a little different about than when I first walked out of the theatre. At first, I was impressed. But, now I feel it was a little scratch on the surface of what seems to be going on. It isn't as simple as achieving a democracy in a previously Russian regime. It seemed almost niave. The oil situation is so much more...

Oil Crash: water instead of oil

I'm feeling this way because last night's documentary gave me the hebbie-jeebies. I mean I know that wars are about oil but it never really occurred to me that the earth's oil is running out.

3. The documentary Oil Crash was a depressing and scary reminder that our society DEPENDS on oil for its very survival. Apocalyptic is exactly how it felt. I walked out feeling as if I ought to make light of it to my friend 'cause she's a MOM. I can't even imagine what life will be like for her son and I tried hard to just shut my mouth.

from fuck you and your H2

I mean really - it's not just that we depend on oil for travel - planes, trains and automobiles, it's for products that are integral to our way of life.

And, imagine life with no automated means of travel? Yeah - no more visiting family or friends for the weekend. No Cuba tan vacation. No more - umm - coffee, etc., etc. (it wouldn't make the trip!) and forget bananas (they are apparently disappearing anyway) And, it's gross to think that these things only the very rich will have access to - you know who - Hummer owners.

I came across this article about the new "oil bullies" who the author defines as Russia, Iran, Venezuela and Chad. Umm, ok, so are we going to see a war in Venezuela and Chad? I wonder what Dubyah's regime would make up as an excuse? Will we get progressively more desperate that we'd do anything to secure oil sources? Is that even more horrifying that facing the Peak Oil Crisis?

There is a lot of info on the net and the last Peak Oil Crisis link suggests that

"It is wise to consider the basics of emergency preparedness and survival kits: air, water, food, shelter, clothing, healthcare, and community (family, friends, neighbors) because it will take many working together to meet the needs of survival. "

There are loads of sites out there and here are just a few:

End-of-the-world scariness:
Prepare to Survive!
Surviving Peak Oil
Life after the Oil Crash
Peak Oil Action
End of Suburbia
Oil Crisis

Hopeful community building:
Community Solution
Eco Plan Toronto
Toronto Oil Awareness Meetup

world carfree day 2006

But, even though it feels demoralizing, it also feels as if we are on the brink of a huge shift. A little part of me thinks: this is the crisis that will change the world... for the better.

Learning to Kill

2006-04-29T10:55:00.000-04:00

US-style propaganda has come north. Trying to manipulate public opinion Harper is pretending that there are no real consequences of Canadians being in Afghanistan. Not lowering the flag for casualities (hiding behind the established flag protocol) and not allowing the public to actually witness the coffins coming home via the media he tries to render them "non-news," a "no-big-deal."

And yet here's more... (It's amazing what shows up in my email inbox.)

End the Curriculum of Killing: Canadian High School Students Now Earn Credits Learning to Shoot Machine Guns

(report from Matthew Behrens of Homes not Bombs)

The federal government of Stephen Harper, along with school boards across the country, are sending teenagers a decidedly mixed message these days. On the one hand, kids are told to stay away from guns in their communities, a warning that's backed by a law-and-order agenda of prison, prison, and more prison for any kid who screws up.

Army Reserve is Alberta However, if you DO like guns and want to learn how to kill people in communities half a world away, you can actually earn not only high school credits, you can also get paid for it. Increasingly, through the auspices of high school co-op placement programs, 16-year-olds can sign up with the Canadian Armed Forces, an outfit whose big boss, General Rick Hillier, makes no bones about goals and benchmarks: "We are the Canadian Forces, and our job is to be able to kill people."

Bored with school in, say, Southern Ontario's Cayuga Secondary School? Check out the Cooperative Education program, where students can snore through the coop with Ontario Hydro and learn about some old guy named Adam Beck, or they can live out the fantasies portrayed to them through the fast-action Canadian Forces war propaganda ads they now see on TV and film screens by signing up with "Army Coop."

"Army training will teach you basic skills - marching, and saluting; rank structure; military law; how to wear your uniform and conduct yourself; and first aid," the website for the school program states. "You will then progress to field training. You will learn how to safely operate and maintain your C-7 service rifle, and the C-9 light machine gun. You will fire all these weapons with blank (practice) and live ammunition. You will also learn how to live for extended periods in the field. During the course, you will spend about two weeks on the ranges and in the field, for which you are paid about $1,400."

Shooting machine guns? Handling grenades? And getting paid for it? How awesome can that be when you're a teenager????

Check out any co-op program in high schools across the country and you are likely to find an existing or prospective placement program with the Canadian Armed Forces. The Toronto District School Board, Canada's largest, has a program with the Canadian military, and it is quite likely wherever you are, a similar program exists.

At a time when the issue of school violence continues to grab headlines, why are schools reaching out to and embracing the very institution which, more than any other, represents the use of violence and killing as a means of conflict resolution? And at a time when Canada's armed forces are desperate to sign up young people, why are school boards offering up tender 16-year-olds as fresh bait for indoctrination in the ways of war?

The program has drawn some controversy in Windsor, Ontario, where a group called Women in Black has spoken out against it. "We don't look at this program as an opportunity -- we look at it as a death sentence," spokesperson Marilyn Eves told the Windsor Star April 15. Eves, a retired teacher, asked, "What is the future for these kids? They're going overseas to fight and some of them are going to die." She told the paper that students are likely to be seduced away from non-paying cooperative placements by the promise of pay, medical and dental coverage, and four credits toward their diplomas. "It's a huge enticement. It's an obvious bribe."

Grade 10 students in Collingwood recently received a visit from a soldier who went through the military co-op program, calling it one of the best things that ever happened to her. The cutline beneath a picture of the soldier read: "Master Corporal Brienna Ross-Hood recently spoke to the Grade 10 class at Collingwood Collegiate Institute attempting to recruit the youth into the army reserve co-op program."

"She belongs to the infantry, which is the core of the army and referred to as fighting soldiers," the story stated. "'We're sort of the weapons specialists in the military,' she said. 'I absolutely love taking all the weapons apart and cleaning them.'" The article noted: "Students who chose to take the co-op program are guaranteed full-time summer employment following completion, and a part-time job while either finishing high school or post-secondary."

Financial support to militarize young children has always been a priority for federal governments of all stripes. Indeed, the largest federally funded national youth training program for 12-18 year-olds has traditionally been military cadets, funding for which has topped over $1 billion in the past decade. While there are 350,000 Scouts and Guides compared with 56,000 cadets, the former receive nearly no public subsidy. The cost of summer training for five cadets could equal Canada's entire annual subsidy to Guides.

And the push is on to enlarge this priority of militarizing children.

"I believe that military service is the highest calling of citizenship," Prime Minister Harper told a group of young soldiers April 13 at a military graduation in Wainwright, Alberta. (But Harper doesn't plan on reaching that high calling for himself; rather, he stays home while he sends young people overseas to kill and be killed on his behalf).

That same day, CTV reported on a triumphant War Minister Gordon O'Connor who declared a "recent advertising blitz by the military seems to have worked....Ads shown on movie theatre and television screens helped bring in 5,800 applications to Canada' Armed Forces in the last fiscal year -- 300 more than the goal of 5,500."

"This morning I got a report from National Defence [sic] headquarters that for this year's target, we're at 110 per cent," said O'Connor, who now wants to find and train 23,000 new recruits.

Some of those recruits will likely be coming out of the same place that increasingly is called upon to provide a curriculum of tolerance, respect, and nonviolent conflict resolution. If you do not want your local high school pairing up with an institution whose top general publicly declares he's all pumped up to go after an "enemy" he describes as "detestable scumbags," let your guidance departments know, call your school boards, and put an end to this dangerous trend.

Of course, there will be those who say that doing this dishonours veterans, to which you can simply reply, "Balderdash." Canada's War Dept. is eager to send young women and men overseas, but does little or nothing to help them when they return physically or emotionally damaged from warfare. They have yet to recognize and compensate those suffering from Gulf War Syndrome, from Agent Orange testing in New Brunswick; veterans from as far back as World War II continue fighting the government for long overdue benefits. The best way to honour veterans who know the horror of war is to say: make war no more. It's time to close up the War Department with one exception: we need to keep a department for providing proper compensation to the veterans and families who have made huge sacrifices while the Harpers of this world have stayed home, basking in someone else's sacrifices.

Taking some steps:

1. Get in touch with Homes not Bombs (416) 651-5800 or tasc@web.ca and Women in Black, Windsor via Marilyn Eves at (519) 971-7979 or mardiaeves@yahoo.ca

2. Contact your local high school guidance office and inquire about whether they have such an arrangement and, if so, make your protest heard. Also see if schools will develop policies around refusing placements which contradict the creation of a culture of peace and nonviolence in the learning environment.

3. Don't pay taxes for war: check out the Peace Tax forms available from Conscience Canada

4. Monthly Homes not Bombs vigil, Tuesday, May 2, 12 noon-1 pm, at MaRS, a new research institute partnering with one of the Pentagon's largest chemical warfare developers, the Battelle Memorial Institute. Located at 101 College Street (just west of University)

5. Join rallies and acts of nonviolent resistance to war at Burlington, Ontario's L-3 Wescam (subsidiary of the self-proclaimed largest military contractor in Canada), May 14-15. Wescam technology is used against the people of Iraq and Afghanistan and, given their role as a supplier to the forces of domestic repression, Wescam equipment is likely being used by the OPP and RCMP to target people at the Six Nations occupation in Caledonia.

Oh Africa!

2006-04-20T09:55:00.000-04:00

I’m loving ODE magazine these days:

Binyavanga Wainaina
This article appeared in Ode issue: 32

Simple rules in writing about the dark Zulu

Always use the word “dark” or “safari” in your title. Subtitles may include the words “Zanzibar,” “Masai,” “Zulu,” “Zambezi,” “Congo,” “Nile,” “big,” “sky,” “shadow,” “drum,” “sun” or “bygone.” Also useful are words such as “guerrillas,” “timeless,” “primordial” and “tribal.”

Never show a healthy, happy African on the cover of your book unless that African has won the Nobel Prize. An AK-47, prominent ribs, naked breasts— use these. In your text, treat Africa as if it were one country. It is hot and dusty with rolling grasslands and huge herds of animals and tall, thin people who are starving. Or it is hot and steamy with very short people who eat primates. Don’t get bogged down with precise descriptions. Africa is big: fifty-four countries, 900 million people who are too busy starving and dying and warring and emigrating to read your book. The continent is full of deserts, jungles, highlands, savannahs and many other things, but your reader doesn’t care about all that, so keep your descriptions romantic and evocative and non-specific.

Make sure you show how Africans have music and rhythm deep in their souls, and eat things no other humans eat. Do not mention rice and beef and wheat; monkey brain is Africans’ cuisine of choice, along with goat, snake, worms and grubs. Make sure readers know you are able to eat such food without flinching, and describe how you learn to enjoy it—because you care.

Taboo subjects: ordinary domestic scenes, love between Africans (unless a death is involved), references to African writers or intellectuals, mention of school-going children who are not suffering with yaws or Ebola fever or female genital mutilation.
Your African characters may include naked warriors, loyal servants, diviners and seers, ancient wise men living in hermitic splendour. Or corrupt politicians, inept polygamous travel guides, and prostitutes you have slept with. The Ancient Wise Man always comes from a noble tribe. He has rheumy eyes and is close to the Earth. The Modern African is a fat man who steals and works in the visa office, refusing to give work permits to qualified Westerners who really care about Africa.

Among your characters you must always include The Starving African, who wanders the refugee camp nearly naked and waits for the benevolence of the West. Her children have flies on their eyelids and pot bellies, and her breasts are flat and empty. She must look utterly helpless. She can have no past, no history; such diversions ruin the dramatic moment. Moans are good. She must never say anything about herself in the dialogue except to speak of her (unspeakable) suffering. Your hero is you (if you’re writing journalism), or a beautiful, tragic international celebrity/aristocrat who now cares for animals (if you’re writing fiction).

Avoid having the African characters laugh, or struggle to educate their kids, or just make do in mundane circumstances. Have them illuminate something about Europe or America in Africa. African characters should be colourful, exotic, larger than life—but empty inside, with no dialogue, no conflicts or resolutions in their stories, no depth or quirks to confuse the cause.

Describe, in detail, naked breasts (young, old, conservative, recently raped, big, small) or mutilated genitals, or enhanced genitals. Or any kind of genitals. And dead bodies. Or, better, naked dead bodies. And especially rotting naked dead bodies. Remember, any work you submit in which people look filthy and miserable will be referred to as “the real Africa,” and you want that on your dust jacket. Do not feel queasy about this: You are trying to help them to get aid from the West.

Always end your book with Nelson Mandela saying something about rainbows or renaissances. Because you care.

Binyavanga Wainaina is a Kenyan playwright, fiction writer and founder of the well-received African literary magazine Kwani?.

Taken and adapted from Granta (issue 92, “The View from Africa,” winter 2005), the British literary magazine, granta

Healthy Mind, Body, Planet - Pills, Depression, Pharmas

2006-04-20T08:48:00.000-04:00

The Healthy Mind, Body, Planet tour hits Toronto on Thursday April 20 at 7 p.m., Earth Science Centre, U of T (Bancroft St, btwn Spadina and Huron)

Tooker Gomberg: “Take care of ourselves and each other, spend time with loved ones, take breaks when necessary, and enjoy each moment on this lovely green and blue planet.”

From Ottawa xpress news

April 13th, 2006
Corporate checkup
Riva Soucie
Ottawa X Press

Angela Bischoff's Detox Plan for a Pill-popping Generation

Typically, mental, physical and planetary health are treated separately by activists, media and policymakers. But Angela Bischoff - whose partner's death, environmental activist and politician Tooker Gomberg, was linked to side effects from depression medication - wants people to make the connection between the three.

She's teamed up with other activists to create Healthy Mind, Body, Planet - a multimedia presentation now touring Canada.

XPress reached her in Big Cove, New Brunswick...

XPress: This campaign looks really rad. Nutshell it for people who don't know anything about it yet.

Bischoff: I've joined forces with independent media activists Kelly Reinhardt and Bridget Haworth of boiling frog I'm focusing on the dramatic rise in antidepressant use while they're making the connections between big pharma and the corporate influences of big oil, big media and the like. In the next three months we'll travel by train to 23 Canadian cities and towns to talk about and document the dangers of antidepressant drugs and the pervasive influence of the pharmaceutical industry in our lives.

XPress: What's the big deal about big pharma?

Bischoff: They're a half-a-trillion-dollar industry that sells products that often cause injury or death when used as directed, like big oil and tobacco. All three industries know that some of their most profitable products are injuring and killing people, but have hidden evidence, lied about it, hired their own experts to produce phoney, misleading "research," and rely on public funds to pay for the consequences. Meanwhile, people are dying, and families are being torn apart. It's obscene.

XPress: What was your motivation for taking this on?

Bischoff: Two years ago I was living life fully with my soul mate of 17 years - Tooker Gomberg - travelling through life together, making waves, organizing around environmental and justice issues. We had just moved to Halifax. Tooker was unemployed and sank into a depression, the second of his life. He saw a psychiatrist and agreed to take an antidepressant drug. His agitation increased on the drug until, with the dosage upped to the maximum in just five weeks, the agitation literally sent him over the edge.

Not three weeks later, while at his memorial in Toronto, a friend gave me a copy of a newspaper report: the U.S. Food and Drug Administration had issued a public health advisory stating that antidepressants can cause suicidal ideation in some users. I broke down, incredulous. I immediately immersed myself in this issue, reading everything I could get my hands on.

XPress: What did you learn?

Bischoff: I learned that one in four users of antidepressants gets agitated on them. This is a very serious side effect. Agitation is a potent predictor of suicide. With 50 million users worldwide, that's a lot of angry, agitated people. Dr. David Healy of the U.K., author of hundreds of peer-reviewed papers and a dozen books, claims that one in 500 users of antidepressants will kill themselves as a direct result of their drug - that's 500,000 suicides!

This has been confirmed by Dr. Dean Fergusson of the Ottawa Health Research Institute. His meta-analysis reviewed data on 90,000 patients from some 700 clinical trials and found that patients were twice as likely to attempt suicide on antidepressants as on sugar pills. And there's a whole host of other side effects that we're never told about, like mania, sexual dysfunction, emotional dullness, weight change, addiction, aggression and on and on.

XPress: What are you hearing from people on the road?

Bischoff: Our first stop on the tour was a First Nations community, Elsipogtog, in northern New Brunswick. We spent two days meeting people, hearing their stories, and it's a nightmare. Every family is touched by addiction and everything that accompanies it: theft, lies, family breakdown, suicide, all from drug abuse (pharmaceutical and street). This community is begging for solutions, for help. Meanwhile, the pushers carry on, the doctors keep writing "scripts," and the drug industry reaps millions in profits in this community alone. It's a tragedy of unbelievable proportion.

XPress: What can we expect at the presentation tonight?

Bischoff: We're telling people's stories through theatre, video and spoken word. We've edited together the best video clips we've come across to inform and inspire critical analysis. We're sharing and distributing information. We're listening to others' stories. We're creating a public dialogue. We're brainstorming solutions.

XPress: How else can people get involved?

Bischoff: They can visit greenspiration We've got blogs and video podcasts of interviews we're doing along the way, as well as information, articles and web links about antidepressants and big pharma. They'll also find our own publication, Depression Expression, outlining these issues in depth with references and resources, as well as discussion about alternatives to drugs to treat depression. The back page is about taking action.

More importantly, people can pay closer attention to their friends and loved ones, supporting them during their down times. Proper diet devoid of sugar and processed food, daily exercise and social contact are things you can do to keep yourself healthy and connected.

XPress: Okay, activists aren't superhuman. Any guilty pleasures?

Bischoff: I like to play pool and have a pint of the local microbrew. And black licorice - my favourite.

XPress: What are you doing to stay healthy on the road?

Bischoff: Bridget quit coffee on day one of the tour, narrowly averting a caffeine withdrawal headache with a shot of propolis tincture. Kelly purchased his last pack of smokes before boarding the train. A native medicine healer told me today that peppermint and mint are good herbs to counter cravings. We all committed to a half-hour of yoga daily, to eating healthily, and to staying positive and supporting each other. We're committed to our own physical, mental and spiritual health - what we call sustainable activism.

yay! Michelle Muir won!

2006-04-18T22:49:00.000-04:00

Poetry Face Off
listen and listen good

lover's responsibilities...

2006-04-17T14:26:00.000-04:00

This post here is in response to an interesting question posed by Twisty

“What I want to know is, who among us hasn’t been forced or shamed or guilted or brainwashed into fucking someone we really didn’t want to fuck? Does such a woman exist? Are you that girl? Gimme a holler.”

and the resulting discussion over at Bitch | Lab 'cause, I'm chicken about participating in comment discussions (I'm gonna give some thought about why I'm chicken)

That girl / the other girl:

Wow - okay, I've been pressured to participate in sexual activity that I haven't wanted to - by men and women. Sometimes it wasn't until after the act that I realized I really didn't want to do whatever it was.

Is it the responsibility of my partners - to stop whatever it was? Sometimes. (specifically in the following cases: was drunk - incapable of consent, was threatened, was forced and actually said "no")

artist, Mason McLowill However, in other sexual arenas - the blurred lines, the cloudy, murky bits of sexual experimentation - responsibility is an interesting concept...

You have to know yourself, know what you want - who you are - what's okay and not okay. How do you discover what is okay and not okay? (beyond rape, of course - we know we don't want to be raped.) It is discovered through experimentation. Sometimes, it is discovered after the fact.

So, next time - yes - it becomes your responsibility to communicate with your partner and not participate in whatever it is that you discovered you aren't comfortable with. When you ignore your feelings, you betray yourself.

However, failure to honour our feelings (and act on them to protect ourselves) is sometimes a trained response to a system that teaches us to be obedient and shut off from our bodies. So, it becomes self-analysis and learning how to be strong and true within a system that tells us to be otherwise. Therein lies the challenge for us as "receivers."

What about us as "actors?" How do we improve our response to our lovers so that they don't experience the feeling of pressure or regret after a sexual encounter? We can ask - is this okay? that okay?

But it's a fine balance to a hot sexual encounter: constantly asking can kill the moment. If we know and care for our partners, presumably we might have an idea of what might challenge her sexually and therefore asking more often is a good thing.

If we don't know our partner well - then I suggest employing SM standards - institute a safety word and choose your partner wisely AND maybe avoid doing anything too risky FGS!!!

All and all I really think it's important to learn how to TALK about sex with your partner/s. Get comfortable with that and sexual experiences can often be quite transformative. Find it difficult to talk about sex? Read Sallie Tisdale's, Talk Dirty to Me and then use these questions as a jump off point.

perfect vision - the year 2020 (Maggie Kuhn)

2006-04-15T18:43:00.000-04:00

This desire to see more beauty has got me thinking about my life. Got me thinking about what I'd like to accomplish before I exit. I believe in nature giving me messages and a couple of days ago I left my apartment building for the day. A bird landed in the grass about 6 feet from me. Not so strange, except that I stopped abruptly because the bird was a little larger than a pigeon with a kind of mottled dark pattern on its back, big eyes and a long thin beak.
thanks jkcassady
I had never seen such a bird. I asked it what it was and my speaking startled it. It lifted up, hit the window, flew up within the grotto-like space and flapping furiously headed over the Rogers empire towards the Don Valley. I came up with this picture as possibly the bird that I saw and if anyone has any information about the American Woodcock, specifically the symbolism of seeing one, please let me know.

So, seeing the Woodcock raised the issue of the unexpected, the seemingly impossible. I thought about moving - to the country. That's unexpected - seemingly impossible. I thought "I could get a good job - have dinner parties..."

But, actually, I think that what's really rolling around in my head is the idea of community. Being alone in the city - that Woodcock - made me worry about her/him. And then I thought about how hard it is for anyone who has little money to slog along trying to make a life... I've been thinking about what other queer women are doing to survive and especially older dykes.

Fab did their annual Dyke issue (disappointing discovery for me 'cause it didn't have the GAY stricken and replaced with DYKE on the cover which lead me to believe that they were making some room for us in their space - but alas...) in which they featured some great articles. "Andrea Németh surveys the sorry state of the Sapphic senior scene" was a piece about where the older dykes go to meet others of their age. Why don't I see older dykes in amongst the young? 'cause they don't fit somehow - not sure why - older dykes rawk.

Beyond the superficiality of that I thought about the nature of the population shift. How the late Grey Panther Maggie Kuhn had promoted the concept of being aged as not dead (wow) and that she had spent the last years of her life living in a multi-generational house.

I have been on the lookout for the older dykes - the mentors for me. The wizened ones - 'cause I want to befriend them and learn from them. And, since I'm gonna be one of them when the population tips to more older folks on the planet than younger ones - the year 2020 - I'm thinking I'd like something yummy to look forward to.

We can't depend on our biological children to take care of us (if we have any = a lot of dykes don't) so, who will? Are we going to face retirement homes in which we are forced back into the closet - "why do you want Sarah to be in the some room as you Molly??" Are we going to be impoverished and hoping that the overworked young population will care about putting more of their hard-earned dollars into improving the situation for us?

thanks lwordonline
And where are those dykes that are working within the white patriarchal system with scads of cash? They are hooking up with the other scads of cash dykes, buying their homes, staying together and feeling good about their fortunate situation. Are they sharing? or are they dolling bits out, donating to foundations to get them a tax break. Are they truly interested in social activism? 'cause - is there a need now? Comfort and power feels pretty good... (or is the need to sequester keep them feeling that security they never felt before and maybe allows them to relax for just a bit)

My thoughts are that some of these dykes are gonna reconsider their situation. And some of the older lesbians living in their own homes, after losing the love of their life and facing a decision of having to give up the house 'cause there aren't any kids to help and they can't maintain the place on their own... what happens to them?

Do we not have a responsibility to take care of our elders?

And in doing so - we could gain such sweetness.

How about building a structure of living - somewhat like a co-op but queer and women. AND multi-generational (multi-many things). We could take care of our elders - they pass on generational knowledge and wisdom, moms pass on communal parenting and opportunities to nurture, the young pass on energy vibrancy and fresh ideas. Why not look at this a viable communal living experience? Do you think the government would have the foresight to fund such a solution to housing, health care, retirement care?

party pic

2006-04-09T15:20:00.000-04:00

This is my favourite shot from Jonathan's b-day party. Can I just say my cellphone takes pretty damn awesome pics? (Well, a little cleaning up in photoshop and she's good to go!)

fikuncg cool

2006-04-09T14:44:00.000-04:00

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 (%?) of plepoe can.  i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Thanks to a commenter on Barbara's blog

source experiences

2006-04-09T11:16:00.000-04:00

I read The Celestine Prophecy soon after it came out in 1993 and at the time I was exploring all sorts of new-agey kind of things.

I was voraciously consuming books by authors such as:

Starhawk, especially The Fifth Sacred Thing,
Stewart Wilde,
Tom Brown Jr's guide books,
Ram Dass,
Marian Green's A Witch Alone, and
the ever popular Scott Cunningham's series, along with others.

I was studying Goddess Spirituality, took my first level Reiki, spent time at the Kripalu Center and studied combined massage and yoga there.

I did the Silva Method and hung out with other graduates to share the techniques learned. I participated in group rituals, spent time alone in nature, meditated pretty regularly. I was somewhat unaware of politics other than the Free Trade agreement - it seemed like a time of hope.

I was being introduced to what felt like big ideas. The idea that energy and positivity and personal development were the keys to changing the world. I gathered friends together to study the Celestine Prophecy handbook. I travelled to many places including Peru in pursuit of that goal. I felt that the Celestine Prophecy spoke to all of this. The tool against world violence and war...

Cut to now.

I got a chance to see the Celestine Prophecy movie last night. I was disappointed by the package. It reminded me of a church story with lots of manipulative violin music attempts to cue your tears, the costumes and scenes were strikingly similar to the old Bible stories on film... it was pretty cheesy but it did raise money for the Myelin Project.

But, I really wasn't there to critique the film-making (it wasn't great IMHO). I wanted discussion revisiting the concepts raised in the book and I was curious about my friends take on energy work.

I was surprised at my reaction to the content of the movie (during the viewing, I had been trying to recall the book and how well I remembered the story.) I was struck by how naive the story seems to me now. That somewhere along the line I have hardened. Has Toronto done this to me? Has the horrific events in the world done this to me? Has the sociopathic powers that be accomplished silencing and incapacitating us by scaring us, taking away our hope, telling us there is little that we can do about the state of the world - so that we don't even try?

A lost innocence: somewhat like your first kiss ever, you can never recapture that joy, pleasure - that child-like awe...

I'm saddened that the movie didn't trigger excitement and an unstoppable desire to share hope. I wonder if it had been bigger budget, better acting and/or a slicker delivery it would have affected the audience more. I wasn't able recapture that feeling and was disappointed in my inability to suspend judgement of the movie's delivery in favour of taking away with me the message of hope for change for the future.

Perhaps the CP book had been right for me back then and perhaps now I need some other format or delivery... The movie What the Bleep? seems to serve that purpose for me now but lacks the hope and magic that these same concepts had before. The Bleep movie pared with the book The Holographic Universe resuscitated my thirst for answers. After all, isn't it the same bunch of messages and learning - just in varying manifestations?

But, I wonder whether people turn to religion or spirituality in hopes of regenerating a "source experience" - to suspend disbelief and support hope and maybe to - just a little - shut out the evils of the world if only for a moment. And, do people use alcohol/drugs in an attempt to seek an altered joy state (just like a religious or spiritual moment) as well as, numb out the demoralized state of this generation? Or can either be truly transformative? It's up to you to choose your poison/treatment/cure.

2006 Poetry Face-Off

2006-04-07T07:37:00.000-04:00

I'm voting for Michelle for her Planet Irresistible!!!

adbusters

2006-04-06T17:18:00.000-04:00

turn off your tv

straightafied

2006-04-03T20:31:00.000-04:00

I set an intention to look for more positivity in the world after my last post. I'm trying! I do intend to focus my attention on the absolute and unquestionable beauty of the world. In fact, most of the time I do notice and honour these beautiful bits but I sequester them up in the moment in my head and need to learn how to write about them...

Perhaps, I ought to avoid watching TV. Tonight was the first time I swore at the tele especially at Oprah! Sacrilege! Yes, I know Oprah is straight but i always thought she was a little more open. She had guests Terry McMillan and Terry's ex husband, Jonathan.

They tore him to shreds because he came out and then tried to sue Terry. Okay, I see the way it appears - he married her and then apparently after getting his American citizenship he came out to her. Then he sued her for support. Bad.

But, was was worse was the inquisition about his sexuality and WHEN EXACTLY he knew he was gay. Oprah talked about ALL her gay friends who knew when they were 3, 5, SEVEN and hey, he never even thought about it?? And, hey there's no room in that equation to be - bi. And, when EXACTLY did he act on his sexuality. 'cause how would you know if you hadn't had sex with someone? Yes, there it is - you aren't queer unless you have / are / about to boink someone. So, be warned my queer friends - you'd better be just about to act or be acting on having some queer-ass sex or someone might question whether you are REALLY queer.

The commentary constantly questioned him. Ignored his attempts at explanation - he is a black man - it's difficult facing that in his community. Made him out to be a manipulative bastard. She forgives him for being gay - but LYING to her about it? Oh, and let's not ignore the constant references to AIDS and how he may have exposed her to that GAY disease, right? Jeezass - where are you women from? You think only gay men pass on AIDS or any other STD??

Well - did he lie? I mean - did I lie when I was struggling through my process? Was I supposed to BEG forgiveness from those who had to deal with my truth? Because, after all, I should have been braver (to save them from feeling rejection) subjected myself possible abuse, loss of job, psychological pain, ridicule, possible abandonment from my family, the church saying I'm a sinner at best, an abomination at worst and, yeah, being completely alone in my small town sitting with my new truth. Oh, but how virtuous I feel - I saved my straight partner from feeling the pain of a relationship ending.

it's a mad world

2006-04-02T13:19:00.000-04:00

Petawawa, Ontario—Artillery soldiers train for domestic and overseas missions

Have you noticed the recruitment commercials on Canadian television? On the federal site they are marketing the army with "cool stuff" and reminds you that:

"you can explore the special features of our site, but remember - there's only one way to experience the Army first hand. Are you ready for a challenge? We're looking for smart, motivated people to lead our team into the future."

The Hot Jobs listed are Combat Arms, Engineers and Health Services. You can apply easily, online, on the telephone... they even have an interesting career match feature. I had to check out what I would match with and voila! a whole list of careers I could pursue. And, the pay... wow! I could join up and make more money than I get now! You can even get a job as a musician! (understand my tongue is firmly planted in cheek)

I know two women who told me of their experience in boot camp. They joined the army - young - and are no longer members, thank goddess. They talked about it being terribly tough but rewarding because they made it through. I wonder if that's a finely tuned technique? Make it really hard to accomplish (but not impossible) because you elicit loyalty and commitment. The recruits feel this way because why else would they subject themselves to such grueling circumstances and succeed and be rewarded/praised for their success and still hold any reservations about the army?

The news is participating in pro-war propaganda as well. Quotes by the family and friends of murdered Canadian soldiers are always statements about heroism, dedication/devotion to Canada, proud, courage... of course, no one is ever quoted as questioning why we are there.

I was looking for articles about how racism / intolerance increases during times of war and found this tolerance site. I really like the sidebar about what I can DO. I've been feeling pretty overwhelmed and sad about the state of the world. I've been feeling completely small and ineffectual - dreaming about the planes spraying us, about war, even this strange dream about a young boy named Sebastian who I had to perform CPR on, he was bleeding from the eyes and mouth - WTF?

Added to the military state we seem to be slipping into, I'm reading about racism and examining my biases, evaluating where I fit on the privilege scale (and I do believe it's a scale) and then what...? what do I DO with all of this?

REM "mad world"

unpack yer sack

2006-03-26T10:17:00.000-05:00

Peggy McIntosh said "I was taught to see racism only in individual acts of meanness, not in invisible systems conferring dominance on my group"

...and she went on to dissect what that means in the paper White privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack although I'd say there is an assumption of class membership and heterosexuality (perhaps simply because she is speaking from her own personal experience) here it is...

"Daily effects of white privilege:

I decided to try to work on myself at least by identifying some of the daily effects of white privilege in my life. I have chosen those conditions that I think in my case attach somewhat more to skin-color privilege than to class, religion, ethnic status, or geographic location, though of course all these other factors are intricately intertwined. As far as I can tell, my African American coworkers, friends, and acquaintances with whom I come into daily or frequent contact in this particular time, place and time of work cannot count on most of these conditions.

1. I can if I wish arrange to be in the company of people of my race most of the time.
2. I can avoid spending time with people whom I was trained to mistrust and who have learned to mistrust my kind or me.
3. If I should need to move, I can be pretty sure of renting or purchasing housing in an area which I can afford and in which I would want to live.
4. I can be pretty sure that my neighbors in such a location will be neutral or pleasant to me.
5. I can go shopping alone most of the time, pretty well assured that I will not be followed or harassed.
6. I can turn on the television or open to the front page of the paper and see people of my race widely represented.
7. When I am told about our national heritage or about "civilization," I am shown that people of my color made it what it is.
8. I can be sure that my children will be given curricular materials that testify to the existence of their race.
9. If I want to, I can be pretty sure of finding a publisher for this piece on white privilege.
10. I can be pretty sure of having my voice heard in a group in which I am the only member of my race.
11. I can be casual about whether or not to listen to another person's voice in a group in which s/he is the only member of his/her race.
12. I can go into a music shop and count on finding the music of my race represented, into a supermarket and find the staple foods which fit with my cultural traditions, into a hairdresser's shop and find someone who can cut my hair.
13. Whether I use checks, credit cards or cash, I can count on my skin color not to work against the appearance of financial reliability.
14. I can arrange to protect my children most of the time from people who might not like them.
15. I do not have to educate my children to be aware of systemic racism for their own daily physical protection.
16. I can be pretty sure that my children's teachers and employers will tolerate them if they fit school and workplace norms; my chief worries about them do not concern others' attitudes toward their race.
17. I can talk with my mouth full and not have people put this down to my color.
18. I can swear, or dress in second hand clothes, or not answer letters, without having people attribute these choices to the bad morals, the poverty or the illiteracy of my race.
19. I can speak in public to a powerful male group without putting my race on trial.
20. I can do well in a challenging situation without being called a credit to my race.
21. I am never asked to speak for all the people of my racial group.
22. I can remain oblivious of the language and customs of persons of color who constitute the world's majority without feeling in my culture any penalty for such oblivion.
23. I can criticize our government and talk about how much I fear its policies and behavior without being seen as a cultural outsider.
24. I can be pretty sure that if I ask to talk to the "person in charge", I will be facing a person of my race.
25. If a traffic cop pulls me over or if the IRS audits my tax return, I can be sure I haven't been singled out because of my race.
26. I can easily buy posters, post-cards, picture books, greeting cards, dolls, toys and children's magazines featuring people of my race.
27. I can go home from most meetings of organizations I belong to feeling somewhat tied in, rather than isolated, out-of-place, outnumbered, unheard, held at a distance or feared.
28. I can be pretty sure that an argument with a colleague of another race is more likely to jeopardize her/his chances for advancement than to jeopardize mine.
29. I can be pretty sure that if I argue for the promotion of a person of another race, or a program centering on race, this is not likely to cost me heavily within my present setting, even if my colleagues disagree with me.
30. If I declare there is a racial issue at hand, or there isn't a racial issue at hand, my race will lend me more credibility for either position than a person of color will have.
31. I can choose to ignore developments in minority writing and minority activist programs, or disparage them, or learn from them, but in any case, I can find ways to be more or less protected from negative consequences of any of these choices.
32. My culture gives me little fear about ignoring the perspectives and powers of people of other races.
33. I am not made acutely aware that my shape, bearing or body odor will be taken as a reflection on my race.
34. I can worry about racism without being seen as self-interested or self-seeking.
35. I can take a job with an affirmative action employer without having my co-workers on the job suspect that I got it because of my race.
36. If my day, week or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether it had racial overtones.
37. I can be pretty sure of finding people who would be willing to talk with me and advise me about my next steps, professionally.
38. I can think over many options, social, political, imaginative or professional, without asking whether a person of my race would be accepted or allowed to do what I want to do.
39. I can be late to a meeting without having the lateness reflect on my race.
40. I can choose public accommodation without fearing that people of my race cannot get in or will be mistreated in the places I have chosen.
41. I can be sure that if I need legal or medical help, my race will not work against me.
42. I can arrange my activities so that I will never have to experience feelings of rejection owing to my race.
43. If I have low credibility as a leader I can be sure that my race is not the problem.
44. I can easily find academic courses and institutions which give attention only to people of my race.
45. I can expect figurative language and imagery in all of the arts to testify to experiences of my race.
46. I can chose blemish cover or bandages in "flesh" color and have them more or less match my skin.
47. I can travel alone or with my spouse without expecting embarrassment or hostility in those who deal with us.
48. I have no difficulty finding neighborhoods where people approve of our household.
49. My children are given texts and classes which implicitly support our kind of family unit and do not turn them against my choice of domestic partnership.
50. I will feel welcomed and "normal" in the usual walks of public life, institutional and social."

black lesbians say what?

2006-03-25T18:43:00.000-05:00

I've been visiting quite a few provocative blogs today and although there were many, many more important subjects I thought that posting this one was important for me.

I'm apt to change my mind about anything I've written here before and that doesn't make me a flake, it makes me willing to look closer at things, to evaluate my ideas and opinions with a fresh perspective.

Because we don't get the L-word in Canada other than through downloads and passing the DVDs around I haven't seen the episode referred to here by blackademic:

black lesbians say what?

Although, I had noticed, albeit almost subconsciously, that the weirdly fake story lines had more to do with it being reflective of life in LA (what the hell do i know about it?) But, after reading this I'm reminded that I need to analyze what support and why.

underground & connected

2006-03-24T17:19:00.000-05:00

You ever notice that some weeks or days tend to be thematic? This has been happening a lot to me lately and it seems that violence against women is the latest theme.

i'm sorry to say i can't find the artist's link that i found this beautiful piece on - but it is the same artist who designed the artwork for the band CYHSY

A long time ago, in a very small northern ontario town I was a counsellor for women who had experienced violence in their lives. So, if you had experienced any violence in your life whether incest, assault, abuse, or in an abusive relationship then you would fit the criteria to receive free counselling.

At the time, ok, about 10 years ago, there was a 2-year waiting list to get this help. TWO years. But, hey there isn't a NEED for it right? Otherwise why would it have been cut? Yeah, yer right, it was cut. No more, natta. Oh, but hey, there's a film Looking for Angelina that was made (by a man) based on a story about a woman who was in an abusive relationship in 1900's in the same little town (she kills her husband and is scheduled to a hanging) And, hey, that, apparently, has been raising awareness...

Umm, awareness for whom exactly?? Who the fuck doesn't know that women experience violence at some point in their lives?? Who isn't aware that there are shelters for women escaping violent relationships? Who HAS READ THE FUCKING PAPERS, WATCHED THE FUCKING NEWS, and isn't AWARE that women are getting killed by their evil abusers?

Oh, and in our great and wonderful city of Toronto, social services now has a domestic violence initiative. Which means that all social service workers get training to help them appropriately deal with possible situations of domestic violence. Yay! right? Yet, i'm find myself angry... why has this taken so long?

I don't know if any of you remember this night, Dec 7, 1989... I was in university and had this really great job as a radio operator. I was alone in this radio room from 4 PM - 12 AM every week night and I used to listen to CBC radio.

Suddenly, the radio breaks for this story out of Montreal. The reporter is there live. He is talking against noise of people and sirens and shouting and crying, and ambulance stretchers clicking and rolling. He is breathless. He is saying that there is a gun man in the school and - wait there is talk of the gun man separating the men from the women. There are shots!!! Oh, God. There are victims. One, woman. Reports are saying that the gun man shot the women. Oh, there is another stretcher. Two women... 3... 4... 5... What is happening? There are reports that 8 women were shot! Now, wait, 10... 12... 14 women.

14 women died. I listened to the reports that night alone in my radio room and even now when I recall that night tears raise to my eyes. I was sick and horrified. An execution had taken place. I looked at my workplace phone and wanted, NEEDED to call someone. A friend. Another woman. I needed to see if my female friends were ok...

Later, the CBC radio ran an endless debate across Canada about whether this incident was indicative of a pervading environment of violence against women. That same week yet another university had panty raids. And the debate raged on - was this violence against women? they asked. A billiards opponent at my university wrote the name Marc Lepine on the chalk board to hold his place in line. When confronted about how insensitive that was to the women who were killed he replied to me "well, they had tits didn't they?" And, the debate raged on - was this just ONE sick demented man who in response to not being accepted to the school blamed it on affirmative action and thus decided to kill the women - the feminists he hated - who benefitted from that? This raised the debate about affirmative action... was it fair that women should get jobs just so quotas could be met? And, at a pub, a (male) friend declared that women enjoyed rape, that they fantasized about being raped. Of course I set him right - women fantasize about power exchange and sex, not rape. This was all in a week.

But that was a long time ago.

But now, let's go west. The west, where a pig farmer executed so many women, we don't even know how many. That the police ignored the situation over a period of at least 10 years. Why? Well, they were missing prostitutes, hardly worthy of attention - unless, well, unless they were sucking yer stupid fucking cawk.

And, south, let's look south, to Mexico where women are being systematically raped, tortured and killed in one area That studies have been completed but no break in the cases infuriates me. Don't you think that all the philosophizing can be done AFTER they catch the killers?? The studies include characterizing the killings, profiling the killings... which ones were killed by abusive partners and dumped in this field? Which ones were prostitutes and came to an end due to their "lifestyles?" Which ones fit a profile of a serial killer...or more than one serial killer... which ones amount to "gender violence" and which are "social violence" all this study when over THREE HUNDRED women have been murdered and more continue!!

Flash back to Toronto - my friend let me know about a book launch about memorials across Canada - memorials to women who have been killed by men across Canada. Memorials to women who have fallen because of a silent war against women.

I can't even touch what is happening outside of North America...

And, the debate is now quiet. There is no environment of violence against women in this world, is there?

But, all of this information can make us women feel hopeless, scared, weak and literally make us sick.

It is so important that we also see the strong. That we stand up for our sistahs, that we have the strength to witness and be loud and be a PRESENCE that is INTIMIDATING to the ones that would try to hurt our sistahs. That we refuse to be silent when we need to be heard. That we rise up. That we invent curious rituals and underground societies, that we find creative ways to be close knit - because one thread by herself can be a weak and scary place, but weave us all together and we are a formidable fabric of force.

poster from the organized Jane guide In the 70s these American women saw what was happening to their sistahs when they tried to get abortions (when abortions were illegal) and formed a group called Jane - Word up American sistahs - talk to yer elders.

My point is: don't mess with us or our women folk 'cause we won't have it and if that means we need to organize and get our girls to re-visit feminism and get strong and well connected... well, so be it. Who's with me?

shout out to shiho!

2006-03-18T13:22:00.000-05:00

In my endless quest to learn more about what I can do on this blog, I've added an audio message for my friend (well, I think it'll be added?)

who left to go back to Japan and I miss her!

the wild parrots...

2006-03-16T17:41:00.000-05:00

i saw this documentary last night and loved it...

a li'l grin

2006-03-16T17:32:00.000-05:00

make yer own

google bombing

2006-03-16T17:20:00.000-05:00

how to express yer opinion about a sexist asshat, named Senator William M. Napoli.

from a most excellent site: bitch | lab

warning, rant ahead...

2006-03-12T12:55:00.000-05:00

Ok, after a most stimulating discussion with the deconstructah and my most excellent boxing coach, Savoy, about building a strong and large community somewhat like the the guerrilla girls *winks* I got home and turned on the television. I admit, I've been watching too much TV but what was on really pissed me off.

Warning, rant ahead...

thanks for the image

It was Wendy Mesley's Marketplace piece about cancer. It was a great piece don't get me wrong, but what really got me huffing and puffing at the TV was the idea that the Canadian Cancer Society spends approximately 10% on prevention. The prevention campaign consists of eat better, stop drinking, smoking and exercise = the cancer you got was your fault. Well, Wendy does some digging and finds that - go figure - there are a LOT of other risk factors.

For example, women who have been on the pill from an early age, for longer than 8 years are at higher risk for cancers. In fact, the idea was presented that Canadian women are the subjects of a MASSIVE experiment with the pill. Only until recently, has the pill even included a warning!

warning!

Why are women being treated as lab rats? Even when there are few trial studies conducted on women (just on men and then applied to women) for the latest newest pill being marketed with exciting and intriguing names that hint at what it might do to improve your life and telling you to talk to your doctor about it

And, you guessed it, it's the evil pharmaceutical companies that don't want us to prevent disease because there is no...
...
in it. It bigger money to give you pills to treat your condition AFTER you get sick. This is confirmed in the program - by the pharms - they admit it. And, not only should you take advice from your doc with a grain of salt (I'm sure there are many good Drs out there - but think about it - what time do they have to educate themselves about the newest pills - the pharms do that - and give nice, free samples to help your Dr feel good about "helping" you.)

But, don't think that the Canadian Cancer Society is on board with what will REALLY help you NOT get cancer. The Canadian Cancer Society tells Wendy that they don't even know what carcinogenic products are on the shelves - unlabeled. Uhh, wha?? So, when you give the Canadian Cancer Society money, you really ought to specify HOW you'd like it to be used. And, to be fair, they are now going to figure out a prevention strategy and ask the government for cash for it... well, we know how much they care about our bodies / health.

Check out the Marketplace piece - educate yourself.

How much does the government care about our health? I'd really like to know what kind of food I'm buying. The closest I can get is checking the codes on produce:

"Organic produce has a five-digit number beginning with a 9. Organic bananas, for example, would be given the designation of 94011

Conventional produce has a four-digit number beginning with a 3 or 4. Therefore, the number on conventionally grown bananas would be 4011

Genetically engineered produce also has a five-digit number on the label and begins with an 8. Again, the number on genetically altered bananas would be 84011"

Of course, it ain't that simple - our labeling laws suck in Canada. I'd like to buy food that doesn't have GMO (genetically modified organisms) which Monsanto seems to think is just fine thank you very much. Why? Because infiltrating our food system with the patented GMOs will eventually take over the gene pool of all our food and guess who will have the power then? And after you gag on their nicey nice value statments read this about how they treat farmers with the respect that they claim to have. Yeah, all in the pursuit of money.

Learn the terms

So, what can we do? Keep yer eyes open. Question what "they" tell you. Listen to your gut - if somethin' doesn't smell right... well...

Okay, and why hasn't that gender pricing bill gotten any press since it apparently was discussed in April 2005? Why? Maybe, 'cause it's not that important? It took a man to notice it (because his wife's bills were higher than his and well, now that they were married that was HIS money they were milking!) then get it attention, offer a lame-ass bill proposing a fine that would likely never get enforced... yeah, keep the women busy, poor and exhausted - they won't have the energy to fight the fight.

image from a pretty cool site

I asked my hairdresser 10 years ago before I went to Japan to show me some techniques, tell what scissors to buy and off I went. I've been cutting my own hair now and saving myself a lot of money. You should try it! Don't worry about making mistakes - it's only hair and then you get to know how your hair works so that you hair cutting gets even better!

How about the keeper or the more modern version the diva - they keep the man outta yer pants and are probably much healthier for you than that bleached scented? "cotton."

Most of my clothes come from the Goodwill, Sally Ann, or Planet Aid...

If I have to use the dry cleaners I'll just demand they give me the same bill as my queer boy neighbours. And, if I want to go to someone other than the barber I'll just pointedly ask why I should pay more for my hair cut 'cause I don't have the discount card AKA, a penis??

Okay, I'm officially ranted out. Whew... should really get outside...

how do you change the world?

2006-03-11T10:22:00.000-05:00

"[these men]...have a power that no human being should have - the power to destroy the planet. Who could handle the burden of that much responsibility?. . . it would drive one mad, literally powermad. Some men are victims of that - they can't help themselves, can't stop. Men need women to stop them. They can't do it themselves. But women can't - they're afraid."

if you've never heard of Judy Chicago you really must check her out...

In the face of all this war - how do we stop being afraid / powerless and do something about it like Judy suggests? I think Judy is doing something. She is making art. I think talking about war, picking it apart is doing something. But, I also think war will always be with us. What if we were finally able to stop all war? What would the world look like? Would we be more enlightened? We'd have to be - and ALL of us people would have to be. That would take a miracle because everyone develops and grows at different speeds.

It is our human nature to be violent. It is the planet's nature to be violent. That destruction brings change, change allows growth. Everything is connected. The dark must exist to have the light. If we had no more dark we would have no more light.

Or the violence would go underground perhaps become psychological. The "more advanced" would be using methods to get people to kill themselves (like in cults)? And maybe that would progress to spiritual warfare. People would be roaming the earth with no purpose (even worse than it is now).

I guess, the thing is, that I think everything is connected. If you achieve change in one area it ripples out to affect other areas. We really have no idea how we affect our world or others'. We have no way of knowing how this action or that action will have an impact somewhere along the chain.

I realize this sounds like I'm advocating inaction, but it's the exact opposite. I'm advocating accepting the world as it is, ugly and beautiful, healing and destroying, just as it is right now, in this very moment. This is a very brave and difficult thing to do. It is not apathy. It is love.

Maybe, for us in the West, we can see the wars in the world as a chance to turn a mirror to ourselves and determine what is important - to see how we can choose in the here and now to feel the sorrow and be present and honest and brave and clear and purposeful as we walk through our world. Would you allow someone to hurt / kill someone else if you could stop it? What would you go to war about? What would cause you to fight?

To seek a peaceful way of walking through the world - a peaceful warrior way and take the radical action of loving ourselves first (not in the self-importance way of the west), then others, and moving that outward. In the action of loving ourselves we find that we have something very important to contribute to the world and we have the ability to change things because everything we do, say, think, feel, creates a change. We just don't have the ability to see HOW...

short and sweet

2006-03-06T22:17:00.000-05:00

Hey baby, what's yer dosha?

I know a very short and sweet post - I got an appointment with my new girlfriend...

key notes

2006-03-05T16:59:00.000-05:00

At dinner last night (btw, I think Kensington Market is becoming gentrified - but that's a whole 'nother post) at Torito in Kensington Market and I'm not really sure how the subject came up but my friend S asked if I could identify an all time favourite song that I still love. My mind immediately went to Pink Floyd's

Wish You Were Here

"So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change? And did you exchange
a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl,
year after year,
running over the same old ground.
Of how we found
the same old fears,
wish you were here."

I could listen to that song over and over and never ever get tired of it. I still love it. S has this theory that we all have a favourite song, not because of the lyrics but because of the musical notes. She said that she has this one song that when it hits these minor notes it send chills up her spine. That's true for me, as well (though I love the lyrics, too.) So, do we have some musical notes that fit us like a key?

I did some searching and found at least one study on personality and music. There's a documentary about headbanger music and (don't quote me - I haven't actually seen it) in it they suggest there are notes that have over and over been associated with darkness or evil. Could it be that musical notes themselves communicate more than we are aware?

my baby came with me

2006-02-27T17:53:00.000-05:00

Hence the volume of writing...

Friday night 12ish: There is a silence here when I visit - there might be a television or stereo playing but there is a background of silence. This is something that tells me I am a city person. I really like the silence even though at times it is unsettling - I still like it and - notice it. The darkness is more intense here as well. Absolute blackness at this moon cycle. My sistah and her partner leave the door unlocked and live on a lake. Tonight as I was in the attached garage smoking a clovie with my beer, listening to the waves of non-noise and occasionally getting startled by the swirls of smoke in my peripheral I scanned the contents of the garage.

There were containers there that I knew had been mine. They had held the things I wanted to keep prior to my time in Grenada. When I came back I reclaimed some of these items but I'm sure not all because I was pretty transient then, halfway between my small northern town and the "big smoke."

So, I was looking at these bins stacked one upon the other and examining them. I was looking for my stuff - for something familiar - for who I was before. Things sometimes tell a story about what was/is important to me. I thought one plastic bin with material and an extension cord looked familiar and I prepared myself to feel nostalgia - to peer into a window to a previous self.

I looked inside the plastic bin - it wasn't mine and it occurred to me that my visits here often included a visit to the looking glass. An alice-in-wonderland struggle between who I was before being fiercely projected back to me. My sometimes conflict with my sistah included my resistance to falling into a former version of myself butting against her discomfort with me, the person she didn't quite get yet. It has taken some time but who I am now isn't quite so scary to her (and perhaps I've backed off a little.) As a result I think our relationship has shifted into a safer place for both of us.

The time spent living in cultures that are so radically different than the one I was raised in creates a most interesting opportunity. I can test who I think I am without the pressure from my small town, my Canadian culture, my presumed heterosexuality, my gender, my skin colour... No friends or family with expectations about my reactions, behaviour, speech, choices freed me to experiment and question any parts that may have been a product of conditioning. No one expected me to be anything in particular. They accepted who they saw in front of them without the past, without the history - so I could try on choices that were never an option before.

With family and friends - if I was brave enough to experiment, to be "inconsistent" I had better have a damn good reason for it, be prepared to defend it and be prepared to commit to it - not a good place to just try things on for size. Travelling, living amongst people who "aren't your own" allows you the freedom to grow. The flip side is that it can be very frightening, ambiguous and unstable (and sometimes quite lonely.) Hooray for that 'cause when you face those conditions you find that you are a hella of a lot stronger than you thought you were and you discover that you can trust yourself... if only you gave yourself a chance to take a bit of a risk. I recommend it to everyone.

you gotta go

2006-02-27T17:35:00.000-05:00

Wow - can I say the Northlander train passengers spend more time on buses than on trains? They really ought to drop the train in the name. I got on the train at my sisters' town and it was the first time the train actually arrived on time. K and me were running late (snowmobiling and visiting and all.) 2:40 PM the train picked me up. At Huntsville (one hour later) the train stopped.

Signal problems they said and that they were sending buses.

And we waited. 45 minutes they said at first, but that the ETA stretched out an hour more. The station had no food or vending machines, it was damn cold and people weren't too happy. Things could have gone terribly wrong.

110 passengers and they sent only 2 buses (yeah exactly 110 seats) some smartypants didn't think about the people waiting in Huntsville or Gravenhurst or... well you get it.
a bit too small weeee!

On the second bus there weren't enough seats so a couple of us had to stand with the promise that on the next stop there would be a mini van to transport us to TO. We openly wondered whether that would really happen or whether we'd be given a choice to wait in Bracebridge or stand on the bus we were on.

But here's the thing - travelling by train encourages connection with people and often the delays and problems are exactly what shifts us from fellow travellers to fellow comrades.

While we endure the delay strangers take care of each other. They start up conversations with each other speculating first what the real cause of the delay is, then moving on to sharing information they heard from other passengers, after that sharing stories of the last time this kind of thing happened and how it differed slightly and finally about who why they are travelling.

We take care of each other. Young women gave up their seats for the older women on their way to Toronto for a conference. One of the seat recipients gave a bottle of water to a girl commenting that she had been travelling since 9 AM and was thirsty. We all shared the digestive cookies the older women had packed as well and I shared my knowledge of the good restaurants in the area they'd be staying. We all had something for each other.

And guess what? The mini van was there replete with a scottish accented, lovely and cheerful driver. And we 5 passengers had the place to ourselves. We chatted and laughed and settled in for a cozy ride home... Viva travel!

ode to the amazons

2006-02-27T17:24:00.000-05:00

I'm missed my boxing this weekend 'cause of being out of town. Many acquaintances don't understand why I box. There is this judgement that slides across their faces. What a brute? Why would she want to punch someone?? Why would would she want to be punched?? The thing is when I first started boxing I asked myself the same things and so did my boxing mates. We'd go for a meal after our workout and talk about what is was that drew is in -grabbed us, held us - made us dream about weaving around the ring, ducking and slipping punches and deftly smacking our opponent. We were re-programming ourselves. We were deprogramming that societal disapproval of women being tough and strong.

When I started boxing, the most excellent coach Savoy would put me in the ring to chase the more experienced women around. I'd try to tap her head gear for points (or, more for cheers.) I'd find myself tiring out before being able to land even one small tap and my "opponent" smiling at me - encouraging me... being a... mentor.

Women as MENTORS without sabotage - without passive aggressive competitiveness? This was my first experience of female peers who wanted me to do well. Who hoped I improved. Who taught me things and cheered me on. Who didn't criticize me or blame me for not doing well. Who didn't campaign behind my back to discredit or disempower me.

I think in many ways we have been taught to see the world as a limited place. The world hasn't got enough of whatever we want (and that all us women want the same things) so if your sistah got those bits there would be less for you. We are taught there is no room for encouraging your sistah to get more - 'cause that means you'd have to give up your portion. Overcoming that and seeing that there is abundance out there and that you actually create more by encouraging others to get more is a big jump. Unhealthy competition is what girls get taught - having no space to directly express power causes girls to subvert their power and hence the terrorists in the school yard (you know how evil preadolescent girls can be.)

Of course, I could then go off on the tangent about what is female and what is male "natural" behaviour... Most would agree that is the nurture that wins out. It's your environment that determines how you behave - what you learn is right and wrong as one gender or another. But, then there are people who just don't fit into those strictly defined spaces and break those rules. That is the nature side of things... But don't tell me women have no aggression or violence in them...

This is a sweaty, smelly, blood-stained ring above a garage gym of powerful women. Powerful women who are expressing a feeling of physical power. The acquaintance might ask "why choose a sport that men use to bloody and pummel? Why choose physical aggression - the same physical aggression that has been used against women?" My response - I do the same that is done for me: I smile and encourage. In return, I get a lot of smiles back and women getting stronger and better at the sport. Women who feel like they have physical power - who suddenly get introduced to their power. The power that has always been attributed to men. The power to hurt or protect. To walk down the street and feel confident. To feel your shoulders back and straight, to make direct eye contact that says "I see you and don't fuck with me 'cause I'm not afraid." Attackers really don't want to work that hard. They want to win at their game.

So, what can be bad about being inside that ring with someone else who has agreed to be in there. Nobody is forced to be there. There is no subtle pressure to be there. You can opt in or punch heavy bags or just watch if you want. We don't hit "victims." We don't use the power over. And, the spar is an agreement. You dance around, both of you testing where things will go, how hard to go, assessing how hard you can take it. If you give it you better be prepared to take it. It teaches women to check in with their bodies and emotions and to be confident and clear about what they feel they can and can't do in the moment.

What an image, eh?

Lucia Rijker is a wonderful role model. She is buddhist and a world champ boxer. She is beautiful and strong. Check out her movie Shadowboxers

And power to the amazons - may we learn to help and support each other - give and receive with generosity - stop being vampires, stop being horders, stop being frightened, stop feeling powerless and stop feeling like we haven't got enough to give... then it becomes an EXCHANGE.

pages

2006-02-20T21:54:00.000-05:00

and, what is one wonderful thing that trees make? Books.

Yay! Sarah - you rawk! Can't wait to have some extra cash to buy the hardcover.

"Moving back through the 1940s, through air raids, blacked out streets, illicit liaisons, sexual adventure, to end with its beginning in 1941, The Night Watch is the work of a truly brilliant and compelling storyteller. This is the story of four Londoners - three women and a young man with a past, drawn with absolute truth and intimacy. Kay, who drove an ambulance during the war and lived life at full throttle, now dresses in mannish clothes and wanders the streets with a restless hunger, searching ... Helen, clever, sweet, much-loved, harbours a painful secret ...Viv, glamour girl, is stubbornly, even foolishly loyal, to her soldier lover ... Duncan, an apparent innocent, has had his own demons to fight during the war. Their lives, and their secrets connect in sometimes startling ways. War leads to strange alliances ..."

roots

2006-02-20T21:44:00.000-05:00

Trees for me are like turtles are to E. We talked about that passion, that awe, that feeling that can't be described. Gawd, it just occurred to me that I need some tree loving time. Good thing I'm heading up north - it'll be cold but I'll be among my counsels.

Find your birthday and then find your tree...

Dec 23 to Dec 31 - Apple Tree
Jan 01 to Jan 11 - Fir Tree
Jan 12 to Jan 24 - Elm Tree
Jan 25 to Feb 03 - Cypress Tree
Feb 04 to Feb 08 - Poplar Tree
Feb 09 to Feb 18 - Cedar Tree
Feb 19 to Feb 28 - Pine Tree
Mar 01 to Mar 10 - Weeping Willow Tree
Mar 11 to Mar 20 - Lime Tree
Mar 21 - Oak Tree
Mar 22 to Mar 31 - Hazelnut Tree
Apr 01 to Apr 10 - Rowan Tree
Apr 11 to Apr 20 - Maple Tree
Apr 21 to Apr 30 - Walnut
May 01 to May 14 - Poplar Tree
May 15 to May 24 - Chestnut Tree
May 25 to Jun 03 - Ash Tree
Jun 04 to Jun 13 - Hornbeam Tree
Jun 14 to Jun 23 - Fig Tree
Jun 24 - Birch Tree
Jun 25 to Jul 04 - Apple Tree
Jul 05 to Jul 14 - Fir Tree
Jul 15 to Jul 25 - Elm Tree
Jul 26 to Aug 04 - Cypress Tree
Aug 05 to Aug 13 - Poplar Tree
Aug 14 to Aug 23 - Cedar Tree
Aug 24 to Sep 02 - Pine Tree
Sep 03 to Sep 12 - Weeping Willow Tree
Sep 13 to Sep 22 - Lime Tree
Sep 23 - Olive Tree
Sep 24 to Oct 03 - Hazelnut Tree
Oct 04 to Oct 13 - Rowan Tree
Oct 14 to Oct 23 - Maple Tree
Oct 24 to Nov 11 - Walnut Tree
Nov 12 to Nov 21 - Chestnut Tree
Nov 22 to Dec 01 - Ash Tree
Dec 02 to Dec 11 - Hornbeam Tree
Dec 12 to Dec 21 - Fig Tree
Dec 22 - Beech Tree

APPLE TREE(the Love) - of slight build, lots of charm, appeal, and attraction, pleasant aura, flirtatious, adventurous, sensitive, always in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner,very generous, scientific talents, lives for today, a carefree philosopher with imagination.

ASH TREE(the Ambition) - uncommonly attractive, vivacious, impulsive,demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate, can be egotistic, very reliable and trustworthy, faithful and prudent lover, sometimes brains rule over the heart, but takes partnership very seriously.

BEECH TREE(the Creative) - has good taste, concerned about its looks,materialistic, good organization of life and career, economical, good leader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable, splendid lifetime companion, keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.)

BIRCH TREE(the inspiration) - vivacious, attractive, elegant,friendly, unpretentious, modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere.

CEDAR TREE(the Confidence) - of rare beauty, knows how to adapt,likes luxury, of good health, not in the least shy, tends to look down on others, self-confident, determined, impatient, likes to impress others, many talents, industrious, healthy optimism, waiting for the one true love, able to make quick decisions.

CHESTNUT TREE(the Honesty) - of unusual beauty,does not want to impress, well-developed sense of justice, vivacious, interested, a born diplomat, but irritates easily and sensitive in company, often due to a lack of self confidence, acts sometimes superior, feels not understood loves only once, has difficulties in finding a partner.

CYPRESS TREE(the Faithfulness) - strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what life has to give, content, optimistic, craves money and acknowledgment, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered, unruly, pedantic, and careless.

ELM TREE(the Noble-mindedness) - pleasant shape,tasteful clothes, modest demands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical.

FIG TREE(the Sensibility) - very strong, a bit self-willed,independent, does not allow contradiction or arguments, loves life, its family, children and animals, a bit of a social butterfly, good sense of humor, likes idleness and laziness, of practical talent and intelligence.

FIR TREE(the Mysterious) - extraordinary taste, dignity,sophisticated, loves anything beautiful, moody, stubborn, tends to egoism but cares for those close to them, rather modest, very ambitious, talented, industrious, uncontented lover, many friends, many foes, very reliable

HAZELNUT TREE(the Extraordinary) - charming, undemanding, very understanding, knows how to make an impression, active fighter for social cause, popular, moody, and capricious lover, honest, and tolerant partner, precise sense of judgment.

HORNBEAM TREE(the Good Taste) - of cool beauty, cares for its looks and condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness and acknowledgement in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious.

LIME TREE(the Doubt) - accepts what life dishes out in a composed way, hates fighting, stress, and labor, dislikes laziness and idleness, soft and relenting, makes sacrifices for friends, many talents but not tenacious enough to make them blossom, often wailing and complaining, very jealous but loyal.

MAPLE TREE(Independence of Mind) - no ordinary person, full of imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.

OAK TREE(the Brave) - robust nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting, independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet on the ground, person of action.

OLIVE TREE(the Wisdom) - loves sun, warmth and kind feelings, reasonable, balanced, avoids aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful, calm, well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic, free of jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.

PINE TREE(the Particular) - loves agreeable company, very robust,knows how to make life comfortable, very active, natural, good companion, but seldom friendly, falls easily in love but its passion burns out quickly, gives up easily, everything disappointments until it finds its ideal, trustworthy, practical.

POPLAR TREE(the Uncertainty) - looks very decorative, not very self-confident, only courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously.

this is my tree...
ROWAN TREE(the Sensitivity) - full of charm, cheerful, gifted without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.

WALNUT TREE(the Passion) - unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromise.

WEEPING WILLOW(the Melancholy) - beautiful but full of melancholy, attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful and tasteful, loves to travel, dreamer, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with, demanding, good intuition, suffers in love but finds sometimes an anchoring partner.

litany against fear

2006-02-19T19:35:00.000-05:00

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."

--- Frank Herbert, Dune - Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear

the personal is political

2006-02-19T17:38:00.000-05:00

where i got this most excellent art

The personal is political.

I have been mulling over the content of my last post and whether I should have left some things out. Perhaps a postcard to PostSecret would have been a wiser choice?

But, aren't secrets loaded with shame and judgement? Doesn't shame and judgement cause much pain and sadness? I think people keep certain things to themselves because they fear what others will think of them. How others will judge them (they've done a lot of test judging themselves) stops them from opening their mouths, keeps them silent. And, that shame/judgement implies personal responsibility for the experience.

Silence proliferates shame. It causes a society-wide silence. Don't talk about it. What will others think?? It takes strength to share when appropriate. I have put the assault behind me -after much work - and mentioned it in my last post because many people think that people become queer because they were molested or assaulted - like that is all it takes to define one's sexuality. Things that happened to me don't define me - it is my response to them that defines who I am.

I also believe that when someone speaks out we sometimes place them into a box making them different than us - so that we can feel safe - we can feel that they are different than us - something about them "caused" the rape (or whatever experience) therefore if we are different than they then we won't "cause" a rape. Or, who wants to be seen as victim? I am NO VICTIM - pahleazzzz. Or, how about "damaged?" This is a loaded label - given only to women...

Internalized oppression often occurs in queers. My experience of this self-hatred is illustrated by my 18 year old who told Tracy in so many words that she was unworthy. She was possible comfort yet so entirely threatening to me. Queers were invisible, powerless and even hated in my community (my friends would regularly make homophobic comments.) Tracy could have been salvation but I was too afraid to take that chance. I believed that people who were queer were ultimately going to be alone since I had never seen any queer couples growing up. My chipping away at internalized oppression was a bigger mountain to climb than recovering from sexual assault.

So, I guess this little blog is my way of fighting my inner censor/shamer, practicing my writing, trying to use precision in my language, writing what I mean to write and in my own way making my personal, political.

But, it's not always that clear...

2006-02-18T10:39:00.000-05:00

I'm listening to Morcheeba: "you and me, were meant to be, walking free, in harmony..."

...alternately sipping my most excellent americano and diluted orange juice thinking about ms deconstruct-or's discussion about acceptance and the tendencies of people to pack others (and themselves) into teeny, tiny boxes... and about those Xians.

When I read Sallie Tisdale's Talk Dirty to Me it was the first time I felt able to accept the kinks in my head. Beyond the coming to terms about being queer I shamed myself over fantasies and thoughts that weren't acceptable for many communities. That seemed to end the moment I read that it was OKAY.

I grew up in a REALLY small northern Ontario town. I remember going to our library (yes there was only one) and sneaking around the shelves peaking into books I knew had lesbian content but didn't say so on the cover. I, in my fresh faced 17 year old mind, looked between the pages for "me" and hoped that someone was doing the same thing and had left me her phone number.

I knew of only one girl in my high school who was tough and yummy (read butch), so I befriended her hoping she would lead me the way. But, she had this real scared look in her eyes and it wasn't long before she was kicked out of yet another school for some transgression.

I felt so entirely alone - until I was 18 and at this party. There she was, looking at me from across the room. Tracy. I brought her home, smoked some pot, listened to Led Zeppelin (yeah, now you know how old I might be) rolled around naked with her. She left before the sun came up and I was so mean to her. I told her I would never call - not unless I had alcohol poisoning. I was CRUEL.

I was afraid.

I ran to my friend (since grade 9), another Tracey (with an "e,") and told her I had had sex with a girl and thought I might be "gay." She told me "Gawd, everybody wants to sleep with girls, just not everybody does!" I took that to mean that I was just a radical, an experimenter, a pushin'-the-edges kinda girl (which I was, AND queer) so, I never pursued it further. End of story. Hah - yeah, right.

Anyway, that same friend, the I thought she'd be my forever friend - and I met up often after years' absences and it felt like old times. I being totally out and living the "life-style" talked to her occasionally about my girl troubles and she sometimes had good advice along with the most red-neck ridiculous comments that I chalked up to growing up in (and never leaving) the north - I forgave her these comments.

She hadn't met any of my lovers, however. Well, the day she did was the day our friendship ended. It started with her bringing up same sex marriage and saying things like "get another word for it" "what's next, marrying animals?" I prickled with horror and tried to end the discussion. Our visit continued and my lover joined us. Tracey asked us who was the man. She asked me why I am the way I am and wouldn't listen to one attempt to answer that question (how the hell DO you answer that question?) because she'd change the question to "why are gays, gay??" She mused that I wasn't queer and that living in Toronto in the village just supported my "sick" choices - made it easier for me... that I was searching something, always searching (true) but for what she didn't know. She heard me say it was safer for me and felt better for me to be amongst my peeps - but she still said she felt there was something wrong with me (whispering "was it when you were raped?") Since when does sexual assault make people queer?? Fuck her.

Tracey's fundamentalist Xian background had permeated her soul so deeply that she loved me but couldn't hear a word I said - and couldn't see me as a whole person, happy with my search. I was so sad because I felt that our friendship was such a lie. She loved me - like you love a sick dog. How terribly condescending, how terribly unequal, how terribly limiting. I couldn't talk to her anymore even after she called all cheery voiced sing songing that she loved me and wished me a happy b-day... I couldn't. She can't hear me.

She is unable to hear me.

There was a doc called God Only Knows on the great CBC documentary channel the other night:

"Family values and religious beliefs clash when a gay pastor from Vancouver and a Christian fundamentalist from Calgary walk a mile in each other’s shoes. In a rare social experiment, Dylan and Craig take turns inhabiting the other’s world, debating the issue by talking to politicians and invading one another’s inner circle of family and friends."

It ends pretty well...

But, how can Tracey and I overcome our differences when both of us are so entrenched in our perspectives - our coloured lenses?

Morcheeba: "Fear can stop you lovin', Love can stop your fear, Fear can stop you lovin,' But, it's not always that clear..."

worthy

2006-02-16T21:38:00.000-05:00

Why is depression such a epidemic in the West? What is the angst that Westerners feel? Do we have no purpose? Is it an experience of spiritual deficit? Are we so spoiled that we can’t get inspired? Can’t get pleasure and joy from small bits? Why are we so intolerant of frustration? Does our relative wealth prevent us from experiencing the pure pleasure of a meal, sleep, a bath, clothing? Have we been so conditioned by advertising/television that we actually believe their version of happiness? So much so that we are continually evaluating our actual experience against this weird version that plays in our heads...

a most excellent photographer

The woman snarls and leans on the horn behind a slow driver in front of her... how dare that driver delay her from getting on with her important life? and then at home she snarls at her image in the mirror - her lines and curves and dimples - all horrible and imperfect. She’s human in her relationships and her lovers leave her. She tortures herself, endlessly tormenting herself about how she screwed up. She must be extremely flawed when her lovers leave her but Sandra Oh’s character on Grey’s Anatomy has someone who wants her to marry him, live with him and forgives her utter inability to open herself up and feel vulnerable. Her phone remains silent as she watches the friends on television treat each other badly, joke, forgive, tolerate and never leave each other. So, she treats strangers with disrespect and thinks they are stupid and disrespectful so she can feel important. Worthy. Real.

War will never end. Cruelty will never end. Intolerance will never end unless we resolve those battlefields in our heads.

What if we practiced being kind in small ways to strangers? Could that change our destiny?

Every morning I walk the cement tunnel to work with my fellow winter black drones. Most of these strangers punch the buttons on the automatic doors the divide the tunnel into sections. It is entirely unselfish. They are already through the door. It remained open for them, but they punch the button for the weary-eyed stream of travellers behind them.

RANTY

2006-02-08T14:32:00.000-05:00

Allow me to rant – and my complaints are entirely trivial – oh well.

One: what is the deal with TTC? Look at this partial map of the Tokyo subway system:

and of a partial map of the train system (layered on top of the subway system):

You buy a train pass that is rated based on the two stations you travel between – your home and work usually. Each ticket you buy is based on how far you travel. The trains arrive on time (to the minute) and only rarely does this happen (it happened to me only once in 3 years in Tokyo traveling to and fro through the 2 busiest train stations in the world) and it was due to a train being late during rush hour. Okay – so, why isn’t Toronto sending someone to consult with the Japanese about their award winning system? Has anyone? (Pick Me! Pick Me!) Well, if they have, they sure haven’t contributed many suggestions because train fairs will be raised yet again.

And while we are on the subject of trains… what happened to public politeness?? People just don’t know how to behave on trains. Check this poster out from Tokyo trains illustrating bad behaviour:

Train commuters in TO habitually:

fail to give their seats up for preggers or seniors,
take up TOO much space in the context of a crowded train,
lean on the entire pole even though FIVE people surrounding them have nothing to hold on to (perhaps we could have just grabbed a random body part when the train jolted?),
put their feet up on the seats,
talk too loudly (oh, come on, you KNOW how loud is too loud),
jump on the train and STOP at the door (duh – other people are behind you!),
refuse to leave the door area even if there is space in the middle of the train, even if there are people on the platform needing to get to work on time but can’t because the appearance of the train being too packed prevents them from getting on,
push – don’t push me or I’ll hit you (or at least I’ll say something to confront you that'll cause you to hit me first then I can hit you *kidding! - sheesh*),
don’t move out of the way when others are trying to exit (don’t worry the train isn’t going to leave you on the platform while there are several others crowded near the door – and, bonus, you are warned before the door closes!),
wear their stupid backpacks ON their backs (hey, removing it and holding it in front of you allows you to control who you want to knock off their feet AND you get to SEE it!),
don’t say “excuse me” or “oops, sorry,” throw garbage on the floor, and lastly,
leer.

And what is WITH people who microwave their food up in plastic containers? Hasn’t it occurred to them that plastic is a chemical and the microwave’s business is bouncing around molecules? Do they really want a chem. cocktail with their lunch? I’d rather save up and have something that’ll really give me a good kick. I know, I know the government *sneer* says it’s safe if it’s marked “microwave safe” but, I’ve seen the deterioration of those lunch containers and it just doesn’t seem like good sense!

And what about people who only keep in contact with you by sending you email jokes, inspirational thoughts, important information (usually shite that snopes debunks) and get all offended the next time you run into them “why don’t you keep in contact?” they whine. Do they really think that forwards are sufficient for maintaining friendships?

And isn’t it RUDE for your companion to have a full blown conversation on their cell that is entirely unrelated to your time together, not an emergency and no real reason why they can’t just let it go to their voice mail and CALL THEM BACK LATER?

Oh, and what the freak happened to my pics from flickr??

Whew – I’m done. Do yah think I might be getting a visit from Aunt Flo soon? Yah, think?

Ok, wait - one more thing: I agree with this man
And I doubly agree with this commentary

sarah, oh sarah, we love you

2006-02-02T12:56:00.000-05:00

NORTH AMERICAN PREMIERE
Tuesdays starting January 31 at 9 pm on TVO
3 / 60 minutes
Produced by Sally Head Productions for BBC

Historical drama with a twist

Sarah Waters brought a fresh approach to historical fiction that made Fingersmith a joy to read. The twists and turns of the novel translate well in this three-part adaptation. Sally Hawkins stars as Sue Trinder, an orphan in mid-19th century London, who grows up in the care of Mrs. Sucksby (Imelda Staunton) and her family of pickpockets or "fingersmiths." Sue becomes entangled in a plot to help conman Richard Rivers (Rupert Evans) defraud a wealthy heiress, Maud Lilly (Elaine Cassidy). Rivers plans to elope with Maud and then have her committed to an asylum and claim her fortune. As the scheme unfolds, the lives of two very different young women are intertwined, and they discover they have much more in common than they could ever have imagined. Charles Dance stars as Maud's eccentric uncle. Sarah Waters has also written Tipping the Velvet and Affinity, which, like Fingersmith, explores lesbian themes in Victorian England.

Contact: Paul Ginis 416.484.2600 x2445 pginis@tvontario.org

femineeesto

2006-02-01T18:05:00.001-05:00

I know there can be a 1000 different interpretations of a picture and I haven't posted all of them here. What happened here? Well, one thing is clear - a couple of women were not looking or acting like women are "supposed to." Looks like a guy, acting like a guy (a very angry guy though).

Apparently, the courier chucked some litter he left behind back into his vehicle and he "reacted" by attacking her. Read the whole drama on the site it was posted. Look for "motorist vs courier."

My comment is to all those young folks/girls who don't like the term "feminist" or feel we don't need feminism anymore...

The following is my analysis of 60 postings from citynoise the site where these pics were posted on. The posters were of both genders (at least it appeared to be a mix). There were many, many positive, constructive posts.

But, what I was struck by was the vehemence of the statements about the woman - the woman who appears to be in the middle of an attack by the man in the pics.

Negative descriptors of the guy:

1 aggressive, 1 kook, 1 bully, 3 idiot, 1fucktard, 1 fucking asshole, 4 asshole, fucker, 1 crazy fuck, 1 fuckwad, 1 assclown, 1 fuckwit, 1 jagoff, (of course only 1) donkey raping shit eater, 1 complete tool, 1 freak, 2 gobshite, 1man-bitch, 1animal, 1 turd, 1 pig, 1 jerk, 1moron, 2 loser , 2 wacko, (and only 1) evil-littering-raging-skank-dating, polluter, 1 cunt, 1 bastard, 2 dickhead and 1 psycho.

Statements of what he deserves as a result of this:

"That guy deserves to be shot."
"I hope his nutsack falls off."
"The guy should be lobotomized."
"The bastard deserves to be hung."
"That driver should be executed publicly."
"This guy should be locked up."

Negative descriptors of the gal:

1 douchebag , 1 douche, 2 idiot, 1 miss goody two shoes, 1 butt licker, 7 cunt + 1 stupid-hippy-lesbo cunt, 3 lesbo, 6 lesbian, 11 (plus 1 fucking and plus 1 stupid-tree-hugging) bitch, 1 (plus 1 fucking) whore, 1 skag, 1 the litter nazi - is she so fucking pure?, 1 dumb broad, 1 dumbass, 1 skank-ho, 1 psycho bitch, 1 self-righteous sociopath, 1 fucking moron, 1 troll, 1 Hole, 1 dirty hippy, 1 dumb dyke

Statements of what she deserves as a result of this:

4 "She deserves everything she got."
"I would have run the bitch over if it was me then [steal] her bike."
"She deserves a sound spanking."
2 "she deserves to get a fine."
"She should be pitied and placed on an estrogen drip, stat."
2 "I would shove that bike up her ass."
"A nice blow to the head would set her straight."

After the woman posted her side of the story:

"You deserved everything you got."
"But, I'd still let you smoke my pole."
"I would have just taken the hamburger and smeared it all over your face and bike."
"I hope you get beat up again."
"According to nature, that’s a reason to boot you form the gene pool."

And, finally, quite an interesting interpretation of 'lesbianism:'

"Leah's alleged lesbianism must have been made by people who couldn't read the post(s) mentioning her daughter."

wha?

strange

2006-01-29T20:28:00.000-05:00

Ok, apparently I lied! Just out of curiousity (or fastidiousness) I googled one of the Chinese anime censors and a bunch of these sites popped up. Don't ask me why when I did it this a.m. NOTHING came up??

Think nobody's watching?

2006-01-29T12:31:00.000-05:00

On the subject of paranoia...

Saturday's Globe and Mail published a piece about the Chinese government's censorship of Google searches. Guess what? Google complied. Search "freedom" (among other forbidden words) and it won't produce any matches. The reporter states that even the Globe's site was censored on and off recently.

The Chinese government also introduced these cute little images to monitor and intimidate the Chinese when they try to post or visit "questionable" sites.

They are called jingjing and chacha (together they mean police "jingcha").

But, don't try to find them on Google or Dogpile. Only Mamma is staying strong and independent (for now).

conspiracy?

2006-01-29T10:26:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I had the strangest conversation at lunch after boxing and if you are into conspiracy theory than you ought to check this out:

Whose Plan? Whose Planes? Whose Planet?
*** A PHOTOSHOW ***
at Grapefruit Moon Restaurant
968 Bathurst St. north of Bloor St., 416-534-9056
February 2006
Opening Party: Wednesday February 8 2006, 8 p.m.

Shocking, striking, mysterious and unique photos of Toronto are presented by Toronto’s Air Apparent, a city-wide group of atmosphere researchers and sky watchers.

Whose Plan? Whose Planes? Whose Planet? includes government correspondence corroborating Air Apparent’s observations that U.S.A.F. planes are frequent flyers over Ontario. ‘Whose Plan? Whose Planes? Whose Planet? contains startling photos that put the lie to other government claims that only normal contrails are mingling with the natural cloud overhead. Something else is in the air up there and these pictures offer proof.

from from Toronto Life Restaurant Guide:

"Grapefruit Moon: An Annexite's dream, this off-the-beaten-Bloor-Street-track eatery boasts plenty of kitsch and homey atmosphere while supporting local suppliers (Hewitt's Dairy, Rowe Farm meats, Black River juices, Alternative Grounds coffees, plus the city's finest microbreweries)"

for more info about this check out airapparent

the world needs a li'l balance

2006-01-27T15:22:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Jenn and her post about Macleans I sent the following letter to the editor:

Dear Editor,

I'm disappointed with Macleans.ca for posting the opinion piece (book review?) written by Mark Steyn. I was under the impression that Macleans wanted to be viewed as a respected news source.

Did you research Mr Steyn's background / reputation before you asked him to write a book "review?" Here’s a hint.

Did you choose him simply because he is Canadian and that he seems to have knowledge of the right-wing, women-hating rhetoric befitting of this particular book?
Did you hope that you would encourage attention and response from your readers by posting such a badly written and badly argued piece?

Even if I could have picked my way through the incomplete, run-on, confused sentences, I still don’t think I could have extrapolated his point. I don't believe the reason for the confusion I experienced after reading his jumbled, double-speak tirade is due to any lack of intelligence (nor the lack of intelligence of any of the others I forwarded Steyn’s piece to). What exactly was he trying to say/review/critique?

Is Macleans that desperate for attention that you needed to resort to the unfortunate use of sensationalism? Or, was he that cheap to hire? Sad, sad, sad. Here’s a suggestion, in the spirit of reflecting a balanced agenda, publish a review of Valerie Solanas’s SCUM Manifesto written by (fictional) Hothead Paisan, The Homicidal Lesbian Terrorist.

Best,
[me]

women stand up

2006-01-25T15:47:00.000-05:00

okay, this commentary helps.

an active activist

2006-01-24T14:50:00.000-05:00

The new Canadian government will probably turn me into an active activist. I voted. I spoke to all my friends about voting, in fact, for those of us who did vote, we voted NO conservatives into Parliament.

Ohhh, so, that’s why I couldn’t understand why Stephen Harper would have managed to win when nobody I knew was voting for him and his party – I was talking only to Torontonians. I mean with people like Rondo Thomas running representing his conservative party? What were we to do but choose the devil we know (Liberals)?

The west, however, had a different take on things. What do you expect from the “Texas” of Canada and isn’t that fitting since George is parading around as a real live cowboy, eh? A real live love story…a BrokeCanada’sBack Mountain - add in there Australia's John Howard and you’ve got one interesting drama.

A drama/party that represents the average, everyday Canadian. Whew! I’m glad I’m not average and everyday… but wait, I guess that also means I won’t have representation. (I’m not even a breeder so I won’t be able to cash in on the bonus people will be getting for their kids daycare – do you think they’d notice if I registered Satochan and Juniper?)

Do we have to experience more battles protecting individual and human rights? Do we have to watch our marriage legislation, abortion rights, Canada as a separate country laws, the environment get chipped away before our eyes? Before we get active? I mean did you hear what the voter turnout was?

“Voter turnout: Voter turnout is calculated from the number of valid votes in relation to the number of electors registered to vote. Please note that the number of registered electors shown in this table does not include electors who registered on election day.”

Total population of Canada estimated by Oct 1st 2005 is 32,378,122. I know, not all of them can vote but 14,815,680 of 22,812,683 registered electors (64.9%) actually made it out. DESPICABLE.

Voter turnout at the 2004 federal general election (60.9%) was the lowest since 1896; turnout was 64.1% in 2000, 67% in 1997 and 69.6% in 1993. The highest turnout in Canadian history (79.4%) occurred in the general election of 1958, when John Diefenbaker's government was re-elected. (from the elections canada website)

Is this the best we could do? What possible excuse did 7 MILLION, 997 THOUSAND and 3 people (7,997,003 fucking people) have to not vote?

Isn’t it important that in 1918 women just gained the right to vote? Now, we are facing potential arguments that certain rights should remain so. In other words, defend our already hard won freedoms? What would our feminist sistahs say if they were here to see this? Of course, I'm not suggesting that the entire 7 mil were women - I'm sure there was a healthy distribution of complacent folks.

The new government (no matter how small of a minority government) scares not only just me (and makes many of my friends and co-workers nervous) but scares EGALE.

This greeted me this AM in my inbox:

Fight Harper

Dear Friend of Equality:

The polls predicted it, but now it’s a fact. Stephen Harper is Canada’s new Prime Minister. Not only that, but there’s a whole new crop of religious right-wingers.

Here’s what we can expect.

• the Harper government will move to take away our right to marry;
• the Harper government will introduce legislation to re-criminalize bathhouses; and
• the Harper government will cut funding for the National Day Against Homophobia and other important projects.

The next step is repealing hate crime protection. Advances in trans equality are unlikely.

Stephen Harper will have not just his MPs behind him, but the entire government of Canada. Our own tax dollars will now fund efforts to take away our equality.
What can you do? Make sure Egale has the resources to fight. Donate now at www.egale.ca/fightHarper.

We need your help to fight back!! To protect your rights. To protect equal marriage. To stop Mr. Harper from succeeding with his agenda.

Now is the time to show our resolve, to show Prime Minister Harper that we will not be pushed back into our closets. We will not accept second-class status! We will not let our equality be taken away from us.

Egale has fought hard for our equality, but now the stakes have been raised and we face a stronger opponent than we’ve ever faced before – a hostile federal government. We can’t wait for Prime Minister Harper to act. We need to act now, to lay the groundwork to stop him. But we need the resources to do that. We can’t do it without you. We need your help. And we need it now!

Please, make a donation today, whatever amount you can afford, whether it’s $25, $50, $100, $200 or more. Go to www.egale.ca/fightHarper and help us with this battle.
Egale Canada gets practically all its budget from supporters like you, people who believe in our work and who are committed to equality for LGBT people and our families, across Canada.

We are facing huge, well-funded opponents to equality: MPs who have been fighting against us for years; right-wing religious organizations, often receiving help from the United States; and now Prime Minister Harper who will use government resources against us. We need your help!

Please don’t ignore this appeal! Go to www.egale.ca/fightHarper right now. Send this message to your friends and family. Ask them to donate, too. The election may be over but our fight has just begun!

Resolved to Fight,
Gilles Marchildon

Executive Director, Egale Canada

P.S. Your support of Egale now will allow us to take pre-emptive action to preserve equality. Donate now by going to: www.egale.ca/fightHarper.

And no wonder - look at this unfortunate picture (glance really quickly and see if it reminds you of somebody) of our new fearless leader:

Yikes.

But, here’s another take:

“Understanding that the Liberals were unlikely to form a government, I was very happy with the results. The Conservatives have a slimmer minority than the Liberals did; the NDP increased its seat count and took more of the national vote and the Bloc lost seats and captured a lower percentage of the vote. So, I think everything went quite well. I was very happy to see Olivia Chow finally get elected but was disappointed that Marilyn Churley was defeated.”

Thanks for the chill pill, Keith.

holey free-oly!

2006-01-14T12:55:00.000-05:00

i found this on a posting board (the poster was an Australian named "groover" - thanks darlin'!)

SoulMate - a Pain in the Neck
By Nisandeh Neta

"... and they lived happily ever after ...

That is how our favorite childhood fairytales have always ended.
That is how the romantic movies from Hollywood always end.
And that is what the media agencies advertisements promise will happen if we'll purchase the right toothpaste, car, T-shirt or life insurance policy.

In short, "...and they lived happily ever after..." is what we have been conditioned to believe our intimate relationship should look like.

WAKE UP FOLKS!

I hate to tell you this, but... GROW UP!

We were conditioned to believe that life was going to be a bed of roses... a piece of cake... a walk in the park.
Of course, what 'they' forgot to mention when we were kids, was that roses have thorns, cakes contain calories, and a walk in the park significantly increases your odds of stepping in dog's you know what...

One of the major myths we were led to believe in, since the 12th century, is the myth of romantic love.
A myth that nowadays has its new-age label - the well-known 'Soul Mate'.

Romantic love is probably the most popular path to personal satisfaction and self-esteem in the western world.
In our modern culture, we replaced religion with romantic love as the means by which we seek ecstasy, meaning and wholeness.

Romantic love does not only mean 'loving someone', it also means 'being in love'.
When we are in love we believe we have found the ultimate meaning of life, as revealed in another human being - our Soul Mate.

We feel 'instantaneous completeness' and believe that the so-called missing piece to our life and to ourselves, has finally been found.

Life suddenly seems to have a wholeness, meaning, direction and purpose.
There is this intensity, which lifts us high above our usual perception of reality.

For most people, these exciting feelings are assumed to be the definite signs of the ultimate lover.

Unconsciously, we immediately create a demand that our lover always provide us with this feeling of ecstasy and intensity.

Despite that ecstasy, within a few weeks (or months) we usually encounter feelings of loneliness, alienation and
frustration over our inability to create intimate, loving and committed relationship.

Usually we blame our lover for failing us.

What seldom occurs to us is that, it is we who need to transform our own unconscious beliefs, expectations and
demands, which we impose upon our lover.

Once aware of it, we realize that this relationship brings unhealed emotional 'stuff' into our conscious mind.
Only from this perspective, can we assume our responsibility for the situation and begin to deal with what comes to the surface.

From this point of recognition, we can then begin to heal ourselves.

I am convinced that we join in relationship with another person with the purpose of supporting each other's personal-growth process.

In order to support us on our path we need this private trainer or coach to walk with us.

Imagine one of those famous football or basketball trainers, as your personal coach, 24 hours a day, all year round...
I can see your horrified expression from here...

Well, this personal coach is your Soul Mate.

... not exactly what you had in mind when you saw that gorgeous someone at a party...

The role of your Soul Mate is to confront you when you're losing your integrity, to kick your ass when you're getting lazy, push your buttons until you gain clarity of your destructive patterns, and so on...

If you and your partner had both attained enlightenment, you probably wouldn't have so much trouble.
Your partner would have all the compassion in the world, and you would have the overview to see your partner's contribution to your life.

And then of course, if both of you are fully enlightened, then you probably don't need a Soul Mate...

However, assuming that both of you haven't reached that stage of full self-realization yet, life is a bit more
complicated...

I read somewhere that the phrase "And they lived happily ever after" is actually a long-forgotten medieval punch line that, when translated, means, "And, boy - ha ha! - are they in for the surprise of their lives!"

Have fun..."

my own advice

2006-01-11T19:12:00.000-05:00

and following my own advice i googled "dykotomy" and found something for your ears (a little too hard rock for my taste), your head, your eyes, your fingers (if you wanted that is) and something for your goad.

perky

2006-01-11T18:24:00.000-05:00

Ok, a little anarchy advice - wanna meet that girl that is at the same events, clubs, coffee shops, etc. as you but you didn't know she likes books and leather? Or, meet the one you just miss in the great scheme of things (she leaves seconds before you arrive)? The drama!

Tempt fate or the 'greater plan' and go online.

If you/she can't afford (or don't want to pay) the subscription fee or (like me) haven't got a stupid credit card, there are ways... *insert evil laugh*

If she is techsmart, she'll use her email address as her profile name and all you have to do is add hotmail or yahoo or gmail or whatever to the end. Send an email and see what happens! (just make sure you include your profile, how you figured it out etc - 'n other words - don't be creepy. You can also try to embed your email addie in the message - one cutie I noticed did it by putting the letters between parentheses (d)...(y)... etc until the end of her ad and then she added HM ("hotmail" not "high maintenance"). Google her profile name and see what comes up... (horrors!) In my ad, I encoded a few hints - so, if she is techsmart enough (and, i guess, motivated enough to make contact) she'll find me.

Online is the way to go these days - be smart and good luck and godspeed.

It is amazing how some interest and interesting girls with big smiles & sexy confident descriptions can help perk you up after a breakup!

conduits and quirkyalones

2005-12-27T13:04:00.000-05:00

ever read the book quirkyalone?

what is that time schedule that others seem so adept at keeping? the plan, the married at 25-28, preggers 6 months into the new marriage, white picket fence,
being a momma, wifey and all for a long time, going on vacations to warm places,
working at the same job for a very long time and seemingly...

content.

is the relationship exciting? is it a catalyst for change/growth?
is it warm and comforting?

does it inspire greatness?

or is it the conduit to get the schedule done? is it a settling for? company instead of companion?
a -not alone- state? saving money so you can buy more shit? what is it?

i want this great intimacy -
this person in my life because she inspires me to be the best i can be...
and i do the same without feeling as if i'm being slowly drained empty.
she stimulates and creates this electrified energy
(like spending a small chunk of time with a child who is playing wildly)

i know so many of my generation who are searching for meaningful relationships
and aren't successful at long-term healthy connections...
is that some symptom of this generation? how is it that our parents stayed together?

mind you being queer doesn't make things easier...
i talked about my break-up at the stove during the preps prior to Xmas eve dinner.
no searching questions came, the discomfort hung in the air until i got silent again.
i knew that had i been talking about a male lover there would have been more commentary...

and then there was my step-mom's gesture of support:
"some things just aren't meant to be"
was that the relationship or all relationships with all women?
i mean, does she believe the same misguided and misrepresented crap as this particular catholic church professes? are they really a conduit for a loving/spiritual state?

Wreck Of The Day

2005-12-27T13:00:00.000-05:00

Wreck Of The Day by Anna Nalick

Driving away from the wreck of the day
And the light's always red in the rear-view
Desperately close to a coffin of hope
I'd cheat destiny just to be near you

If this is giving up, then I'm giving up
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love

Driving away from the wreck of the day
And I'm thinking 'bout calling on Jesus
'Cuz love doesn't hurt so I know I'm not falling in love
I'm just falling to pieces
And if this is giving up then I'm giving up
If this is giving up then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love

Maybe I'm not up for being a victim of love
All my resistance will never be distance enough

Driving away from the wreck of the day
And it's finally quiet in my head
Driving alone, finally on my way home to the comfort of my bed
And if this is giving up, then I'm giving up
If this is giving up, then I'm giving up, giving up
On love, On love

-30-

looking to...

2004-08-20T13:50:00.000-04:00

What people say to me has lately been an impetus for self-reflection or generator of questions. I dig this. Like today, this summer student – slightly pompous and young and male says, "what do you want me to do? Tell you that you are better than other people?"

Yes, a pointed and provocative statement – one that would have been cause for me to really dislike the little fuck (especially if he had said this a couple of weeks later in the month *smirk*) But, today, it was curious to me. I consider what we had been talking about. I was complaining about the fact that a reference binder (one that is continually updated AND available quite easily on our internal network system) occasionally goes missing only to show up again a couple of days later leading me to believe that a staff member walks off with it. I was complaining "do they not think we’d notice? Wouldn’t it occur to them that it gets updated and we need to keep track f them?" and in my head – "what is wrong with these idiots? All the SAME information is on the net." And out loud I say, "I wouldn’t do that." To which the boy uses the previously mentioned statement.

So, I think, why do I say that – generally? I mean why does anyone say – "I wouldn’t do that." Am I looking for validation? Looking to commiserate? Looking to feel superior?

It’s been an interesting day thus far… including my lunch (a new discovery http://www.heartbeets.com/who.html – their Red Bean Hummus –yum!) and I’m actually finding time to blog while on lunch at work… and it’s Friday (I do seem to be fixated on that)

'tis all i need

2004-08-19T22:56:00.000-04:00

...and right now i'm driven by the desire to have a relatively peaceful bedroom so i can fall asleep. i wish not to hear the carpet in the hall being professionally cleaned (at 11 PM?? both kitties are crooking their heads in question, too) and i wish not to hear the TV program the screeeecher from next door - oh sorry - now ballad/dance music "ooh baaybah" plus rap section...

i guess i'm not quite evolved to stay present and want no more than what i have.

okay, i have a smirk on my face - i will survive...

and tomorrow's Friday

'tis all i need

hmmm...

and the carpet cleaner finished.

grin

human - buddha

2004-08-19T22:34:00.000-04:00

Sinead O'Connor says...

I'm walking through the desert
And I am not frightened although it's hot
I have all that I requested
And I do not want what I haven't got
I have learned this from my mother
See how happy she has made me
I will take this road much further
Though I know not where it takes me
I have water for my journey
I have bread and I have wine
No longer will I be hungry
For the bread of life is mine
I saw a navy blue bird
Flying way above the sea
I walked on and I learned later
That this navy blue bird was me
I returned a paler blue bird
And this is the advice they gave me
You must not try to be too pure
You must fly closer to the sea
So I'm walking through the desert
And I am not frightened although it's hot
I have all that I requested
And I do not want what I haven't got

i say...

very, very buddha -

and oh! to be free from driven desire...

to be content.

and

to be human.

from somewhere on the web

2004-08-10T21:20:00.000-04:00

i like this definition - 'cept that i think everyone has scars - when they rule every/most interaction/s/intention/s then that is an unhealthy sign.

"Healthy Relationships

Intimacy develops slowly over time from a friendship into a committed relationship. You enter into a relationship with someone who is capable of participating in an intimate relationship. They don't have emotional scars from their childhood or previous relationships.

You can trust them. They can trust you. Trust must develop slowly over time.

Being sexual when you want it – not being forced or coerced. Saying no to sex, gifts or attention you don't want.

Not allowing someone to take advantage of you in any way (sexual, financial, and emotional) and not taking advantage of your partner.

The relationship is based on trust, respect and commitment, you don't fear abandonment. You feel secure in the relationship.

You feel relaxed about the relationship, you are not anxious about losing the other person.

There is no drug or alcohol abuse, no love affairs, no physical, emotional or mental abuse.

Your partner is a good friend, you respect each other, you can communicate your wants and needs honestly.

You both encourage each other to be their best. You have concern for each other's happiness. You can talk openly about your needs and are listened too.

Both partners see themselves as equals, no one is superior, there is no need to beg or plead, no need to dominate or compete.

You both support each other's healthy hobbies and interests.

You and your partner both have friends and interests outside the relationship. You are not isolated."

fur babies

2004-08-09T23:20:00.000-04:00

here's my babies... i think that every work place should institute some kind of celebration, card, acknowledgement, fundraising for the dykes among us... (it's hard to type with a ginger fur-butt competing for the keyboard)

and
i wish i could blog like this
'tis about it

words

2004-07-28T21:57:00.000-04:00

gotta love the Canadian Oxford for including the most interesting words - check out the definition of polyamorist and all the other queer words. musta been an infiltrator hehehhe...

you got me started

2004-07-25T17:57:00.000-04:00

ariesdragon, you got me started! lol!

i think your questions are valid and i've heard them voiced before. i want to offer some more thoughts on them...

ad: Call me old fashioned but isn't it difficult to achieve true intimacy with more than one person?

what is true intimacy? does being monogamous mean you can achieve that? i have incredibly intimate friendships as well as lover relationships.

ad: Guess my instinctual reaction is to think that those who desire many partners are afraid of commitment.

i know plenty of monogamous people who desire many partners (they just cheat or get them one after another after another) do they also fear commitment? that sounds like it's a part of anyone's make-up not just because you are poly or mono... and is it instinct you are reacting to or conditioning?

ad: Perhaps it's a way to keep themselves distant from others.

ditto above... i know plenty of mono relationships that are plenty emotionally distant from each other

ad: Or are they simply the kinda folks that believe the grass is aways greener in other pastures.

ditto again - mono vs poly really isn't what i think these statements describe - these statements describe people and their personalities.

ad: Does this mean that these people will never settle down with one person?

i was involved with a wonderful woman who has been with her primary partner for 14 years... (not that the length of relationships automatically mean more quality/importance, etc.)

does behaviour define the label/tendency? (does that mean being a dyke is only possible if you are having sex with women? or can you still be a dyke and celibate?)

having one lover doesn't change my perspective/way of being as a poly, nor does it change when i haven't any lovers... to me it's about being free to negotiate, define and choose my relationships as they present in order to get desires and needs met. it is truly all about freedom.

this is an interesting and poignant statement that i think relates...

yummmmy!

2004-07-24T16:53:00.000-04:00

the fitness

for aries dragon: poly ?

2004-07-24T11:17:00.000-04:00

well, since you asked ariesdragon, i can share what i do/feel/live…

polyamoury means many things to many people. the kind that i'm not - is the kind that holds themselves emotionally distant, that doesn't get deeper, doesn't commit (if that's what both people want)

commitment is a huge part of my relationships with friends and lovers. i have a huge capacity to love and commit. poly to me isn't about craving touch from others it's about understanding that a lover isn't and may never be all things to me or me be all things for her.

because i have sex with someone doesn't mean i own their body or they mine. poly to me means that i honour what she needs to feel happy to grow and develop. i end up growing because of that.

intimacy comes in many, many forms - some have nothing to do with orgasm and poly allows me to explore connections with people without having to follow a societal sanctioned way of being in partnerships.

i'm learning and changing and so does the nature of my relationships. my relationships tend to be living and vibrant - i mostly feel secure and free with this sort of ambiguity or mutability (this doesn't mean i don't feel jealous or the threat of losing my lover and it doesn't soften the pain when my relationships change str8 out of sexually intimate to "orbitting")

i don't willy-nilly have sex and negotiate relationships without considering the feelings and tender hearts of the lovers i may be involved with at the time.

poly demands that i be courageously honest and true to first myself and then to others.

i am also 36 years old and understand that perhaps the generation 10 years younger may have different motivations (it may just be all about discovering who they are through encounters they have?)

but beyond that – i feel that you choose the person you want to share with – if she treats you well and you feel good about the person you are when you are with her - then it was all worth it.

turn the page

2004-07-24T10:20:00.000-04:00

I have moved a total of 24 times in my entire life. On average, since I left home at 16 years (with one year back with mommy between 17-18) I’ve moved every 9 months to a year. I’ve lived in only one place for longer than a year and that was recently. Every single time I’ve moved it has been for good and legitimate reasons. From the building being destroyed due to a property division to having complete bastards for landlords or neighbours.

I wondered for a long time how other people were able to find places that they were happy to stay in. I wondered whether they just tolerate or find a way to make the situation livable. I wonder whether I don’t have that gene or that special skill that allows me to make due.

It scared me so much that I had devoted a period of time in therapy to understanding my constant moves. My therapist and I decided that my moves were more to do with my need for stimuli and change than some pathology. I also believe that I might be nomadic by nature.

I love moving because I learn all about the different parts of a city / neighbourhoods I live in. I feel like I stretch my comfort level by discovering more options/choices. These prevent me from falling into that routine, that well-travelled path, that automatic way of existing. I don't resist packing and moving in fact i kinda like the cleanse (not the work – but I do have it down to a science, it takes me literally about 2-3 weeks to be completely unpacked and settled ready to have a house warming.)

In all of this, I also realized that I structure my memory around where I have lived. When I was retelling the saga of the grrl who played havoc with my heart, I kept referring to the place I was living at the time. I suddenly realized that I could immediately access memories because I remembered the environment.

I suspect that if I had remained more sedentary I wouldn’t be able to review life’s lessons as easily. The past would blend seamlessly together and I would have to remember particular incidences and dates – small little pockets of time. I think that each home I’ve lived in (and neighbourhood and city and country) had a personality that fit with whatever life struggle I was sorting through.

It’s like I have themes corresponding with my moves every year. The apartment that I’m leaving has a mixture of themes that I’m sure will become all the more clear after I’ve left.

I expect that the toughness required to live in this area of the city could be one theme. However, I need some balance – my space also needs peace and hearing “fuck you bitch, get the fuck out” (a guy yelling at a chick’s window – at 4 AM) or “give me my fuckin’ drugs” screamed at the top of a street prostitute’s lungs – at 4 AM doesn't help.

Reasons to leave: that there has been 3 murders in the area since I moved here, that the building tried to evict me because they couldn’t find my first month’s rent cheque (it had been applied to another apt), that leaks that never stop, that the asshole in the apt above me has loud, wall-vibrating, raunchy parties (I think they were pissing off their balcony last night – nice.) that the chick next door shrieks laughter at 4 AM, that the building keeps trying to illegally charge increases in rent, for air conditioning… need I go on?

But, my apt is SO sweet, sunken living room, pass through window to the dining area from the kitchen, LARGE, lots of closet space, and a view of the downtown core that takes your breath away… and it's so close to the village and work...

Well, I tell my Libra-self, these are not enough to tip the scales and give me a reason to stay. Besides, what theme is in store next?? Turn the page in your address book friends and families...

done/fin/complete -30-

2004-07-20T21:43:00.000-04:00

it really amazes me that I can be SO completely unforgiving… yet, I guess it simply is a function of self-protection.

I am over having old wounds picked at and the response to that is “sorry – I fucked up” again and again. I was perhaps a little harsher than I would have liked to be, I mean I would have rather been warm and sensitive and kind yet firm and strong and said things like “I’m sorry, I can’t be your friend because it no longer feels good for me. I wish you well. In fact, there is still a place in my heart that loves you, but I just can’t trust that I won’t experience the same things again from you and I need to take care of myself.”

I felt like saying “ get some therapy and find out why you keep hurting the people you say are your friends and then fail to do anything about it but act like a wounded puppy – saying ‘I’m sorry’ – ‘I can’t help it’ – ‘I just keep fucking up.’ And stop playing the card that makes me want to tell you – ‘it’s okay – it wasn’t so bad – you’re not a fuck-up you are a good person’!!!” When I feel like – yes – she is a good person but she sure does make bad choices.

What I really said was “it’s a little too little too late to be your friend now. You can’t just keep picking at old wounds and say ‘oops, I fucked up.’ Why do you want to be my friend anyway – what do you want from me? What do you expect from me? Do you expect me to be continuously disregarded in your pursuit of happiness?” or something like that - gawd, i can't remember word for word of what i said - i just know the temperature in my apartment went WAY up.

and then I thought – what if she was reaching out because she was at the end of her rope? and just as quickly put that thought aside (really, isn’t that just an arrogant way to think?). She’ll survive just fine without my friendship. She has before and she will again. – she neeeeeeeds me to save her? Bleck! I’m going to bed.

this crazy idea

2004-07-17T14:03:00.000-04:00

Silent contracts are deadly to any relationship. I was reading this book called “Fearless Living” and was smacked in the face with the source of all my breakups. This thing that we had in the back of our minds about what was expected.

I think that mostly, people base their expectations on a hetero-centric, Xtian, western (even misogynist!) definition of coupledom and all the right and wrong behaviours that go with that. Nobody talks about these things. Few people analyse where their ideas of relationships come from and whether those ideas are even valid or correct.

Monogamy is loaded with these silent contracts. We have all been brainwashed to believe that the television/society has given us a good and right version of what we ought to aspire to (or avoid.) According to the culturally trained brain - someone like me (ethically polyamourous) should only be seen as a threat, as selfish, as immature, as full of depravity, as incapable of emotional bonding, as guilty of breaking the laws that the MAN made.

I guess that is where I exercise my own personal sense of anarchy. I make my own rules about how I behave. The choices I make are well weighed (not just because I am a Libra :-)) but because I am mature, I know myself well, I’m honest about my motivations and feelings and I readily share those.

I got this crazy idea that I can negotiate completely original bonds with lovers based on our connection and our particular combination of desire, needs, wants and personalities. I want to feel as if my presence can stretch my friends and lovers to really identify what makes them happy and how to negotiate that. I want my friends and lovers to have the ability and power to say “yes” and “no” to anything they want… and in that I am working on doing all of that for myself.

blood

2004-07-14T18:44:00.000-04:00

ok – what is with my uterus??? my first day of every 2 or 3 cycles almost cripples me. my Dr told me that I produce cysts that like to blow up – explode every once and a while mostly during my first day… so she suggests I take the pill. Yeah – I did – I swear I did! I left the birth control clinic with a backpack full of those nasty bits. A dyke loaded up on baby protection… ‘cept that was when I was in school and didn't have a drug plan.

at the time, i wasn’t sleeping with anyone so I hardly noticed my sexual desire withering away. Then I just started feeling kinda flat liner-ish and read this article about how the pill kills your natural highs and lows (unfortunately I can’t provide the link.) It makes sense tho – screwing with your hormones like that – all to prevent me from popping an egg.

So, I stopped the pill and my normal fluctuations returned – as well as the pain. I know I’ve been a bad grrl when I have a bad visit so, I know I gotta pay better attention to my health. Tho I just hate that the man is making decisions about what is good for my dykely body (you know – pharmaceuticals, sanitary products *why the FUCK are they called sanitary anyways? I guess a female body is just DRRTY* and research that seldom even includes the female gender).

I try to wear red when I’m bleeding as a way to nod to the great blood goddess… and here on earth I give a big nod to my fellow Canucks who are working on some pretty cool stuff. aunt flow never looked so good.

off i go to eat some red food and go to bed dead early.

L for LOVE

2004-06-29T13:11:00.000-04:00

my friend and i finished watching 6 episodes of The L-Word and we are completely addicted. there are only 4 (?) episodes left on the DVD she got as a gift and i'm already anticipating the sad ending (though we've both committed to having several repeat viewings)...

at first it seemed like a girl version of Queer as Folk - cheesy, unrealistic and shows queers i've never laid eyes on - especially not all in ONE coffee shop but hey we were digging the pretty girls and the stupid conversations UNTIL the second episode...

we were hooked.

i - being on vacation - was the beastly one to keep my friend up late drinking white wine spritzers and smoking clovies - but oh it was SO good.

we squealed with delight over the "hasbien" and yelled "NO! NO! NO! DON'T GO IN THERE" when the affair is discovered... we giggled uncontrollably over the "boring intervention" and i felt exhilarated that finally some hot babes were funny, fully developed (not just that way perve) characters who were dykes, bois, bi's, questioning, and yeah! even poly!

YAY! for The L-Word!

high maintenance

2004-06-28T15:23:00.000-04:00

well, PRIDE is over and it was inevitable that there would be drama. From the letter my friend and I wrote to the organizer of the event we went to – to the friendship-former-lovers anxiety I experienced. I dealt by drinking and laughing a lot.

I confessed to my friend that I was on a razor’s edge (due to my recent breakup) and had fashioned my hair into a horn to symbolize that.

Without divulging all the details – I learned something important about myself. I can actually draw the line and do what I need to do without worrying about others’ reactions. I’m using my anger to gage what feels comfortable and what doesn’t. I’m being brave enough to let things be or to end things if they aren’t healthy for me especially if I’m feeling pressured.

My friend and I were trying to define “high maintenance” – a term I despise but have used it before and have had it applied to me. (fuckers.) I really don’t see myself as high maintenance (even though I have HM moments) because my definition is as follows:

In order to make a HM person happy you:

- have to put in a lot of effort,
- have to ignore your own needs in order to please the HM person,
- have to give a lot of yourself,
- can’t relax with HM people, and
- have to make a lot of adjustments for only the HM person (not anyone else.)

I see myself as expecting certain things from my friends / lovers - like open-communication, honesty and respect. If any of these things go missing I want to talk about it.

But - quite frankly, I think everyone has HM moments at one time or another and if someone uses the term when it doesn’t apply, I think they are just being lazy, or fearful, or trying to project something away from themselves.

fool

2004-06-25T14:47:00.000-04:00

breaking up sucks.

i don't know how to just be free of my former lover -

especially since it was a choice i made based on the option i was offered.

especially since my idea of poly is to expand community - not be isolated and not lose the presence of my lovers in my life (i only want to make that choice if she has been an unhealthy presence).

i don't want to lose a connection with my former lover but my anger and hurt prevents me from being soft and open...

i don't want to made a fool

i don't want to be used

call to arms

2004-06-25T14:43:00.000-04:00

Please hear me poly primaries...

don’t assume royalty status.
don’t assume hierarchy
and rob your lovers of agency.

Embrace their presence bravely –
invite their waves of change!

avoid the action of navel-gazing
when you disregard your lovers,
you disregard yourselves
and you invite pallor not life!

You cannot lose.

tax yourself in this pursuit.

Don’t treat the hearts
of your lovers as commodities.

they are not objects
you’ve purchased for a purpose
only to return them
when you find they are more
than you’ve bargained for.

treat your lovers with gentleness, kindness and trust

If you have invited them
into your sacred community
than they are worth it.

your community grows and
nurtures more growth through this

act with care in the face of jealousies
and insecurities
make decisions not out of fear
but out of trust and love.

Be wary of ultimatums.

support your lovers’ health
learn from yours’ and your lovers’ mistakes
repair them if you can

don’t be afraid of admitting poor judgment

nurture and endeavour to make
safe space for yourself and your lovers.

Don’t deny them what brings them happiness
and you will reap the rewards!

politics - oh GAWD!

2004-06-25T10:56:00.000-04:00

my friend and i had a discussion about voting. she is pissed at the current options in her riding and has been considering declining her vote - btw. this means:

The ballots are counted and recorded as 'valid' (properly marked); 'unmarked' (no mark on the ballot); 'rejected' (declared invalid by the poll official because of improper marking); and, 'declined' (returned by any voters who have stated they decline to vote).

we got into a rather heated discussion about how one should vote - for the riding rep or for the national party (regardless of whatever a dolt the rep is in the riding)

i'm voting for the national party - why?

because i'm frightened of allowing a small amount of people make decisions about who is in power and who can change laws, human rights, etc..

i'm frightened that people have become bitter and apathetic, thinking that their vote doesn't count anyway so why even bother (this does not apply to my friend - she would like the people in her riding notice that she would like changes in their platforms - only that won't happen now but next election)

i'm frightened that people just don't know enough, read enough, care enough - and that Canada's democratic system is failing - i'm frightened of losing what we have worked so hard to get (what other countries in the world are still at war in order to have)

or perhaps, i just need to get off this computer and get myself some breakfast and a coffee (i'm on vacation).